


Confronting your demons (and other bad ideas)

by zach_stone



Series: Neighbors AU [2]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Canon-Typical Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Climbing Class, M/M, other characters to be added to the tags once i write them in, this one's gonna be a lot angstier than the first installment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:05:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since his sisters died, and Josh is not coping well. Chris is willing to do whatever it takes to help his boyfriend heal - but then again, he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into. </p><p>--</p><p>Sequel to "Boys next door (and other cliches)" - read that first to understand the plot differences/character relationships! This one's gonna get dark. Hold onto your hats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't leave these boys alone. I had so much fun building this AU last time, and now it's time to start weaving in some other aspects from canon. 
> 
> TW for mentions of self harm (brief/vague, but they're there).

There were many times Chris wished that he could read his boyfriend’s mind, but never more so than right now. Josh was slumped against the passenger seat window of the car, staring out the glass in total silence. Now, silent Josh could mean any number of things: it could mean he was tired, either from medication or lack of sleep; it could mean he had drifted into a daydream, something that happened fairly often; or it could mean he was fucking pissed and was being a real baby about it by giving Chris the silent treatment. Chris was fairly certain (though he could never really be sure) that it was this third option, so he didn’t try to start up conversation. His phone’s GPS announced they would be arriving at their destination in ten minutes. Chris cast another brief look at Josh and tried to think of how exactly they’d gotten to this point.

 

* * *

 

It had all started a week ago, when Josh had come into Chris’s apartment unannounced (as usual) and flopped down next to him on the couch, where Chris was trying to cram for a test he had the next morning.

“Hey man,” Chris had said distractedly, hardly looking up from his textbook. Josh bumped his shoulder.

“Hey, _lover_ ,” he said, putting on that mock-seductive voice he did when he was trying to make Chris laugh. Chris would never admit that it also turned him on just a little bit. “Stop being a nerd and hang out with me.”

“No can do, big test tomorrow,” Chris mumbled. He felt Josh getting closer to him, and then Josh’s lips were pressing against the spot just behind his ear. God damn it. He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “Dude, cut it out.”

“C’mon, Cochise,” Josh purred in his ear. “Just take a little study break.”

“I can’t,” Chris said, even as his breath hitched when Josh kissed his jaw. “Come on, lay off.”

Josh leaned away, but a moment later dramatically draped himself across Chris’s lap, effectively covering his book. “But I’m _bored_ ,” he whined.

“Josh, will you get up? Don’t be a dick.” Chris tried to sound stern, but his resolve was already weakening when he took in the bright-eyed boy in his lap. Josh looked energized today, almost playful. It was so rare that his near-constant lethargy abated that Chris couldn’t help but want to take advantage of the opportunity. He fisted Josh’s shirt in his hand and yanked him upright again. “Just gimme like ten more minutes, okay?” he said.

Josh pouted. “If you loved me, you would take me in a manly fashion, right here on this couch.”

Chris sputtered, nearly knocking his textbook off his lap. It wasn’t the stupid innuendo that caught him off guard -- Josh was full of those -- it was the word “love.” They still hadn’t said that yet. Chris was almost certain he did love Josh, it had been a few months of dating and honestly he’d felt pretty strongly from the start, but still. It was kind of intimidating to say it, and Chris had never been good at that sort of thing. But there Josh was, just throwing the word around willy-nilly.

“Damn, at least take me to dinner first,” he managed at last, hoping he didn’t sound as flustered as he felt. Josh reached over to press his palm against the crotch of Chris’s jeans.

“Oh, I’ll take you to dinner,” he said. And yeah, okay, Chris definitely couldn’t wait ten more minutes.

Afterwards, when they were sweaty and sticky and mostly naked, Chris was lying on Josh’s chest with his head propped up on his forearms. Josh looked sleepy, his wave of energy gone. Chris traced nonsense patterns on Josh’s bare chest, taking care to avoid the scars there; he knew Josh always got uncomfortable when Chris acknowledged those, no matter how many times he told Josh he didn’t judge him for them.

“Hey,” Josh said suddenly, blinking his eyes open. “Sorry if my seducing got a little out of hand earlier.”

Chris frowned, continuing to drift his fingers along Josh’s skin. “What do you mean?”

“Like, with the whole ‘if you loved me’ thing. I could tell that was a bit much for you.”

Chris’s hand stilled. “It wasn’t. It was just… unexpected.”

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”

“Nah, you didn’t. Um…” Chris exhaled slowly. “I do, you know.”

Under his palm, Chris felt Josh’s heart speed up a bit. Aw. “Yeah?” Josh said, obviously trying to sound nonchalant. Chris smiled.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Josh’s hand brushed through Chris’s hair. “Good. Me too.” He chuckled, the vibrations humming against Chris’s face. “Damn, look at us. Guess we’re really serious now.”

Chris laughed, too. “I know. Next step is to meet the parents, huh?” Josh tensed underneath him immediately. “Josh? What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Josh said too quickly.

“...I _am_ going to meet your parents at some point, right?” Chris said.

“I don’t see why that’s necessary,” Josh said under his breath. Chris frowned, sitting up a bit more.

“Dude. Why can’t I meet them? Are they homophobic assholes or something?”

“No, it’s just… forget it, okay? Just drop it.” Josh refused to meet Chris’s gaze.

But of course, Chris didn’t drop it. The next day, after he finished his test, he dropped by the frozen yogurt shop. He knew Josh had a therapy appointment, so he wouldn’t be working. Sam was behind the counter, and she smiled in surprise when she saw him.

“Hi Chris,” she said. “Josh isn’t here today.”

“I know,” he said. “I came to see you, actually.”  
“Oh!” Sam said, eyebrows raising. “What’s up?”

“Um, have you met Josh’s parents?” he asked, drumming his fingers on the countertop. She nodded.

“Yeah, lots of times.”

“What’re they like?” he asked. “Are they like, bad people?”

“What? No, not at all,” Sam said, brow creasing. “They’re a bit difficult to connect with, but they’re nice. Mrs. Washington -- Melinda -- she’s super sweet, and Bob, he’s a cool guy, but he can be kind of hard to read.”

“Must run in the family,” Chris muttered. “It’s weird, I brought up the idea of meeting his parents last night and he got super uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t tell me why.”

“Hmm,” Sam said. “Well, I know things have been… different, since his sisters died. His parents got really withdrawn, and his dad pushes him pretty hard. Plus, Josh like, never goes back home. If you ask me, he’s avoiding anything that will let him actually come to terms with what happened, but it’s not my place to tell him what to do.”

“Really? Kinda seems like it is,” Chris said, a smile playing on his lips. Sam made a face at him.

“Okay, so maybe I like to look out for him,” she said. “But I don’t wanna push him too far. He barely listens to me as it is.”

Chris nodded slowly. “But you think he should go home more? Like, that would be good for him?”

Sam shrugged. “I mean, he can’t heal until he acknowledges there’s something he needs to heal from, right?”

Chris thought that Sam was exactly right, and if she wasn’t going to push Josh in the right direction, then maybe it was his job. So that evening, when he and Josh were eating pizza and watching some shitty made-for-TV movie on the sci-fi channel, Chris said, “Hey, so I wanna talk to you about something.”

Josh looked sideways at him, pizza hanging from his mouth. “Hmm?”

Chris held back a laugh, knowing that in a moment Josh was probably going to get all difficult and he’d have to be serious. “I want to meet your parents,” he said. Josh’s expression darkened.

“Dude, why are you still fixating on this?” he grumbled.

“Because! You’re my boyfriend, and I love you, and it’s weird that you don’t want me to meet your family!” Chris exclaimed. “Are you embarrassed of me or something?”

It was a low blow; he knew that wasn’t the reason Josh was reluctant. But he _also_ knew that Josh was still stuck on trying to prove he really cared about him after some messy miscommunications before they’d officially gotten together. Sure enough, Josh looked instantly panicked.

“What? No, Chris, come on man. You know that’s not what it is,” he said. Chris immediately felt guilty for playing that card, but he stuck to it.

“Well then what is it, Josh? Please, this is important to me.”

Josh hunched his shoulders and stared sourly down at his food. “Okay, fine. Whatever.”

“Maybe we can just, like, have dinner with them? This weekend?” Chris said hopefully. Josh made a noncommittal grunt. “Dude…”

“Okay! Yes, fine, Jesus.” Josh crossed his arms tightly over his chest and didn’t say much for the remainder of the movie.

The day of the dinner arrived, and when the boys walked down to Josh’s car, the tension was palpable. Josh slid into the driver’s seat and scowled at the steering wheel. Chris eyed him nervously.

“You okay to drive?” he asked. Josh shot him a look.

“I have to, I’m the only one who knows how to get there,” he said.

“Just gimme the address, I can plug it into my GPS. Technology is amazing,” Chris added, trying to lighten the mood. Josh grumbled. Chris half-suspected that Josh had been planning to drive them aimlessly into the middle of nowhere to avoid this dinner. But he relented, rising from his seat and letting Chris drive the car.

 

* * *

 

And here they were, Josh silent and moody, Chris silent and uncomfortable. Obviously the two had fought before, and they’d gotten through some pretty weird rough patches right from the start, but this still sucked. Chris was super nervous to meet Josh’s parents -- they were rich and distinguished, while Chris’s family was lower-middle class and a bunch of rowdy nerds. He wished Josh would offer him some words of advice instead of being a pissbaby. Oh well.

“Your destination is on the left,” his GPS chirped. The car pulled up to an expansive home, the long gravel driveway immaculate. There was even a fountain the front yard. What the fuck.

“Dude, your parents are loaded,” Chris said before he could stop himself. This seemed to shake Josh from his sulking, because he cracked a wry smile.

“Yeah, us Washingtons are very big on excessive displays of wealth,” he said. “Hell, they bought a fucking mountain just because they could.”

“I’m kind of terrified right now,” Chris admitted. Josh narrowed his eyes at him.

“Hey bro, you were the one who wanted to do this. C’mon, let’s get it over with.” He got out of the car and Chris followed, noticing the way Josh’s shoulders hunched as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie (he’d refused to dress up, even though Chris was wearing a button-down shirt and slacks). His whole body seemed tense. Chris tugged on Josh’s sleeve until he released one hand for Chris to hold.

“Ready?” he said. Josh just sighed.

The two of them walked up to the door and Chris knocked. A moment later, it opened, revealing a short woman with thick black hair streaked with grey, and tired but kind eyes.

“Joshua,” she said, smiling. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.” She waved them both inside. “And you must be Chris. It’s so nice to meet you, Josh hardly told us anything about you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Chris said. He glanced at Josh, who had stuffed both his hands back into his pocket and was glancing furtively around the foyer, like he was scared to look at anything head-on. Mrs. Washington was watching Josh, too, and she looked sad. Shaking herself a little, she gestured to the doorway across from them.

“Let’s sit down, Bob is in the living room. You boys want something to drink? We have water, wine, soda…” She walked as she talked, and Chris followed, Josh shuffling along behind. When they entered the living room, Bob Washington was sitting in an armchair reading a manuscript of some sort. He looked over his glasses at them when they entered.

“Josh!” he said, standing up. Josh looked at his dad, and Chris noticed about ten different emotions flash across his boyfriend’s face, from admiration to fear, before settling on the distant moodiness from before. “How are you, son?” Mr. Washington said.

“I’m okay,” Josh muttered. Mr. Washington appraised Chris, who suddenly became hyper-aware of everything from his posture to his glasses. Did his hair look okay? Was his shirt tucked in? It definitely wasn’t. Chris tugged at the hem of it nervously.

“Christopher,” Mr. Washington said with a nod. “Nice to put a face to the name. Sit down, tell us about yourself. You going to school?”

“Um, yeah,” Chris said, sitting down on the edge of the couch. Mr. Washington sat back in his armchair, and Josh sank into the seat beside Chris, still hunched in on himself. Mrs. Washington hovered near him, looking concerned. “I’m almost done with my bachelor’s, actually. Information technology.”

“Ah, a smart one,” Mr. Washington said with a nod. “Josh was going into psychology, weren’t you, son? But he didn’t finish.”

“He’s just taking a break,” Mrs. Washington cut in. “He’s got plenty of time, Bob.”

“Uh,” Chris said, feeling Josh shake slightly next to him. “So, yeah, I really like computers. I’m going to try to get into app design, like for phones and stuff?”

“That sounds nice,” Mrs. Washington said. “So how did you boys meet? Josh said you’re neighbors?”  
“Yeah, it’s kind of funny, actually,” Chris said, smiling. “See, I was moving in and Josh was helping me carry a box, and then --”

“Mom, can I have something to drink?” Josh said suddenly. Everyone seemed startled by his sudden contribution.

“Oh, of course. What would you like?” she said.

“Can I have a beer or something?” Josh said. She nodded and turned to Chris.

“Do you want anything, Chris?”

“Uh, no thanks,” he said. He bumped Josh’s knee gently with his own, but Josh was still refusing to look at him, or anyone for that matter. Chris had never seen Josh so uncomfortable. Frankly, he was being kind of rude. He didn’t rejoin the conversation once his mother returned, just sipped his beer and stared at the ground. Chris got the message, though, and steered away from the topic of how Josh had broken Chris’s leg upon their first meeting.

At dinner, the uncomfortable energy was at an all-time high. No one was even bothering to attempt small-talk anymore, and Chris tried not to chew his vegetables too loudly. To everyone’s surprise, Josh shoved his chair back and stood up.

“Excuse me,” he said, and hurried out of the room. Chris watched him go, frowning. Everyone jumped when they heard a door slam. Chris rose from his seat.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, and he left through the doorway Josh had gone. He spotted him through the screen door to the backyard. Chris walked over and quietly opened the door.

Josh was standing with his back to Chris, shaking. He suddenly grabbed a small ceramic frog that was sitting in a large potted plant and pitched it across the patio. It shattered against the cement. Chris flinched.

“Josh?” he said softly. Josh turned around, breathing hard, and Chris was shocked to see tears in his eyes. “Hey, man, what’s going on?”

Josh just shook his head. Carefully, Chris approached him, wary of his boyfriend lashing out at him. Josh didn’t back away, and when Chris got close enough to touch him, he allowed himself to be pulled into Chris’s arms.

“Talk to me. What’s up?” Chris said, rubbing Josh’s back.

“I can’t,” Josh said in a choked voice. Chris started to protest, but then Josh continued. “I can’t be here. I can’t stand it. The moment we pulled up, all I could see was them, and I just… I can’t do it, Chris.” His words became thick with tears. “I can’t stand how my parents try to act like they don’t feel it, too. How can they even stay in this house? Don’t they feel it? Or am I just fucking crazy?”

“You’re not crazy,” Chris said firmly. “But maybe the reason your parents aren’t as affected is _because_ they stay here. You know? Like, maybe it helps them heal to have to confront it.” He pulled back slightly and took Josh’s face in his hands. His boyfriend’s cheeks were streaked with tears, and his gaze was glassy. Chris felt a little like his heart was breaking. “At some point you’re gonna have to let yourself feel it all, Josh. It’s not gonna be fun, but I think it’ll help.”

Josh nodded, blinking slowly. Tears clung to his lashes. Chris kissed his eyelids, then his lips. Josh sighed shakily against his mouth. After, he seemed a little calmer. He wasn’t shuddering anymore. He looked over at the broken ceramic frog he’d thrown.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said sadly. “Hannah made that freshman year of high school.”

Chris let go of Josh and walked over to the frog, bending down to examine it. It really wasn’t broken too badly -- the head had come off, and one of the feet had chipped, but it wasn’t irreparable by any means. “All it needs is a little glue,” he said, picking up the pieces and bringing them back over to Josh. “It’ll be good as new.”

“Wish it was that easy to fix everything,” Josh said, taking the pieces from Chris and running his thumb over the broken edge. “But even if you fix it, you can still see the goddamn crack. Can’t ever really go back to how it was before.”

“Very poetic,” Chris said. “You should publish.”

Josh frowned at him, but Chris could see the faint sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “Cut it out, I’m having a moment.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Chris said. He put a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Should we go back inside? Your parents are probably wondering what’s going on out here.”

Josh sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” After a moment’s hesitation, he slipped the broken pieces of the ceramic frog into his hoodie pocket. “I think I’m gonna borrow this. At least until I fix it.”

Chris wasn’t about to argue with him on that; if stealing (because he highly doubted Josh would actually return it) a garden decoration would bring some comfort to Josh, then he should go right ahead.

When the boys went back to the screen door to go inside, they were startled to see Mr. and Mrs. Washington were both standing at the door, obviously watching them. Josh flushed in embarrassment, and his grip on Chris’s hand tightened. Mrs. Washington just pulled her son into a tight hug, and he sagged against her. Over Josh’s shoulder, his mother mouthed, “ _thank you_ ,” to Chris. Mr. Washington gave Chris a nod, putting a hand on his wife’s back. Chris felt a bit like he was intruding on a private family moment, so he stared at his feet. But then Mrs. Washington was giving him a hug, too, and when she released him, Chris saw Josh watching him with an indiscernible look in his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is really kicking my ass and I don't have this one quite as mapped out as the last one, so updates won't be nearly as frequent as the first installment of this series. Don't worry, though, I'll do my best to post chapters with some frequency. Comments are always appreciated!! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris desperately tries to hold on to a suddenly moody and distant Josh, until Josh suggests a rather unsettling trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tosses this at y'all and hopes for the best]  
> this chapter took me forever to write because it's more buildup than actual action but hopefully the next few chapters will come with less of a struggle
> 
> also! some vague sex-type shit happens in here. nothing too graphic because i am an awkward asexual who can't write about dicks to save her life

Things were different after the dinner with the Washingtons. Chris didn’t really pick up on it at first; Josh came over less spontaneously, and his bouts of hyper, usually flirtatious energy hit with less frequency. In fact, Josh became more withdrawn than ever. Chris tried not to take it personally, but it still stung. Josh was trying, though. After one particularly silent evening, where Josh had sat on the end of the couch as far from Chris as he could for the entire night while Chris did some IT work on his computer, the two of them fell into Chris’s bed together and Josh snaked an arm around Chris’s waist.

“Love ya,” he’d mumbled into Chris’s bare shoulder. Chris smiled, kissing Josh’s hair.

“Love you too, man,” he said. He wondered if it was pathetic how elated one little display of affection from Josh made him.

Because his boyfriend was so distant, Chris found himself spending a lot more time with some of Josh’s friends. He quickly formed a kinship with Ashley. They were both kind of nerdy -- though no one could really compete with Chris -- and she was a great study partner. One evening, Chris and Ashley were at a coffee shop doing homework together. It was getting late, and Chris was on his third cup of coffee. It was going to be a long night.

“Josh doesn’t mind you being out so late?” Ashley asked, tapping her pen on her notebook thoughtfully. Chris scrubbed at his tired eyes.

“Not really. He hasn’t been staying over as often recently,” he admitted. Ashley frowned.

“Things okay with you guys?” she asked.

Chris shrugged. “I think so? He’s in a weird place right now. I dunno. I have been a little lonely, though.”

“Well, I’m always happy to keep you company,” Ashley said with a smile. “You know, we’ve hung out like, almost every day this week.”

Chris laughed slightly. “Damn, you’re right. Maybe I should be dating you!” He’d meant it as a joke, of course he had, but as soon as the words left his mouth he felt immensely guilty. Because as he’d said it, he thought about how nice it would be to date someone like Ashley. Ashley was endlessly sweet, and she was simple. Not to say she was stupid or anything; she was just easy to understand. She never gave cryptic, sullen answers to questions about her day, and her bright-eyed smiles when she talked to Chris made him feel wanted, something he’d hardly felt from Josh as of late.

Ashley must have noticed the look of distress on Chris’s face after his joke fell flat, because she said, “Chris? What’s going on?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly found his throat constricting like he was going to cry. “It’s just hard,” he said finally. “I don’t know what to do for him, or what I’m doing wrong, you know? He doesn’t talk to me, I feel like I’m failing him somehow. And I just want him to act like he wants to be around me, like, even a little bit.”

“Oh, Chris,” Ashley said, sounding sad. “You know it’s not anything to do with you. You’ve been doing a great job of being there for him.”

Chris cleared his throat, looking down at his homework and letting his eyes blur. “Feels like it’s not enough.”

“Oh my gosh,” Ashley said, kicking him under the table. “Chris, look at me for a second.” He did, reluctantly. “I’ve known Josh for a while now, okay? Even before his sisters died, he would go through periods where he was distant and moody. He didn’t talk to me much about his mental health, but I deduced enough. And then after Hannah and Beth, it was even worse.”

“What’s your point?” Chris asked.

“My point is, in all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him with someone that he _tries_ with, as much as he tries with you.” She shook her head slightly. “I’ve never even seen him in a relationship that lasted more than a couple weeks. But I see how he is with you. It isn’t easy for him to open up so much, to trust. Besides, like, Sam, I think you’re the first person to get through his walls in a long time.”

Chris was getting misty-eyed again. Damn, when did he become such a crybaby? “I just wish I knew what triggered this weird mood he’s been in lately,” he said. Ashley pursed her lips thoughtfully.

“Maybe it’s something with his medication,” she said. “I love him to death but lord knows he’s not the most responsible person.”

Chris remembered with painful clarity what had happened when Josh had been off his meds; it didn’t seem like something his boyfriend would risk again anytime soon. Nevertheless, he said, “Yeah, maybe.”

He and Ashley stayed at the coffee shop for another couple of hours working, and Chris was exhausted by the time he got back to his apartment. He shrugged his backpack off his shoulder and let it drop to the floor by his couch before stumbling into his bedroom. The light on his bedside table was already turned on, and to his surprise he saw Josh was asleep in his bed. It looked like Josh had been trying to wait up for him, because he was propped up against the pillows with his head lolling to one side. Chris felt a fluttery joy in his chest, immediately replaced with guilt for what he’d said to Ashley before. He toed out of his shoes and shimmied out of his jeans, crawling into bed next to Josh in his boxers and shirt. Josh, jostled by the mattress shifting, blinked his eyes open.

“Hey,” he mumbled, sitting up and wincing, rubbing a kink in his neck. “You’re finally home.”

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Chris said, settling next to him.

“Yeah, well, it’s been awhile since I spent the night, so I thought I’d surprise you,” Josh said. “Didn’t think you’d be out so late, though, damn.”

“Sorry,” Chris said. “I was with Ashley.”

“You’re always with Ashley lately,” Josh said, and Chris thought he detected a hint of annoyance in his voice. He had a momentary panic that Josh somehow knew what Chris had thought earlier, knew about his stupid joke. He shoved it aside; he’d been feeling needy and ignored, but Josh was here now. He opened his arms for his boyfriend.

“Well I’d rather be with you,” he said. “C’mere.”

Josh scooted closer to him, and they got under the covers together, Josh’s head nestled in the crook of Chris’s neck. Josh buried his nose in Chris’s collarbone. “You smell like coffee,” he said quietly.

“I taste like coffee, too,” Chris said. Josh looked up at him.

“I think I’m gonna need you to prove that,” he said. Chris smiled, and Josh tilted his head up to press a kiss to Chris’s mouth. Chris didn’t realize just how desperate he’d been for physical affection, but he found himself sucking on Josh’s lower lip before running his tongue along his boyfriend’s mouth until he could slide it past his lips. Josh reciprocated with a muffled chuckle, but all too soon he pulled away.

“Damn, Chris,” he said. “Thirsty much?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. Just feels like we haven’t kissed in a while.”

“Yeah,” Josh said, his smile fading. He ran his hand slowly across Chris’s chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been off lately. I’m sort of working through some shit right now.”

“What kind of shit?” Chris asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Josh said. Chris frowned.

“Josh…”

“It’s nothing, really,” Josh said, not very convincingly. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go to sleep with my boyfriend.”

Chris wanted to push the subject further, but he really was fucking tired, and Josh didn’t seem in the mood to argue, so the boys just snuggled further under the covers and Chris fell asleep to the sound of Josh’s soft breath against his neck.

 

* * *

 

Despite his initial doubts, Chris couldn’t help but wonder about Ashley’s suggestion that Josh wasn’t taking his meds regularly. The thought wormed its way into his mind and refused to budge. One day, Chris couldn’t take it anymore; he had to check. Josh had stepped outside to get the mail from downstairs, so Chris got up from his seat in Josh’s living room and hurried into the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and scanned the messy shelves until he spotted Josh’s orange prescription bottle. He picked it up and read the label, trying to figure out how many pills should be left in the bottle if Josh was taking his daily doses on time.

“What are you doing?”

Chris whirled around, the pill bottle in his hand like a neon sign proclaiming his guilt. Josh was standing in the bathroom doorway, staring at Chris with a hard, unreadable expression.

“Uh, I was, um…” Chris floundered. There was no good excuse for why he’d be messing with Josh’s pills. In fact, given that once when Josh was going through withdrawals he’d thought Chris was trying to _steal_ his pills, this looked exceptionally bad. Chris kind of wanted to climb into the nearest dumpster.

Josh held out a hand and Chris passed over the pills, face flushed with shame. “Don’t go messing around in here,” Josh said. His voice was calm enough, but his eyes told a different story. “It might look like chaos, but I actually know where everything is. Wouldn’t want you screwing it up.”

“Sorry,” Chris mumbled. Josh nudged past him and put his meds away, closing the cabinet and looking at Chris with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Should we go back to the movie?” he said finally. Chris nodded. Josh didn’t bring up the pills again, or why Chris had been messing with them, but Chris was certain he had some idea.

 

* * *

 

Chris expected that after his little fuck-up with the pill bottle, Josh was going to be even more sour and distant than ever. So he was seriously surprised when he came home from the grocery store the next day to find Josh in his apartment, looking very excited to see him.

“You’re home! Here, let me take those,” Josh said, striding forward and whisking the bags away from Chris, carrying them to the kitchen and plunking them on the counter. Chris blinked at him.

“Thanks,” he said dumbly. “You’re in a good mood,” he added.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m with the sexiest guy in the world,” Josh said, moving back over to Chris and grabbing him by the waist. Chris flushed.

“Gay,” he said, smiling. Josh smiled back, and then he kissed Chris hard, all tongue and teeth, and Chris barely had time to process this, let alone reciprocate, before Josh was moving down to his throat, sucking a hickey where his neck met his shoulder. Chris let out a breathy sigh, tilting his head to give Josh better purchase. “Shit, dude, what’s gotten into you?” he said.

“I’m crazy about you, you know that?” Josh said, his voice husky with desire. Chris swallowed hard, closing his eyes when he felt Josh’s hands slide up under his shirt.

“Bed?” Chris managed to squeak. Josh nodded.

“Bed,” he said, grabbing Chris’s hand and pulling him into the bedroom. He pushed Chris down on the bed and climbed on top of him, going back to work on the hickey on Chris’s neck. Chris sighed, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Josh’s pants. Josh was already hard, which was unusual; normally it took him a while to get there because of his medication. Maybe he’d been working himself up while he waited for Chris to get home. The thought turned Chris on, like, a lot. He tugged at Josh’s pants.

“I want these off,” he said. Josh smirked, nipping at Chris’s already tender neck and earning a yelp in response.

“Easy, tiger,” Josh said. Chris groaned.

“You can’t work a guy up like this and then say _easy_ ,” he protested. Josh chuckled, sliding his hand down to unbutton Chris’s pants.

“Cochise, I am in a fan- _fucking_ -tastic mood,” he said, wrapping his hand around Chris’s erection and squeezing slightly. “And I’m gonna savor the shit out of it.”

And savor it he did; it was the best sex they’d had in a long time, and Chris couldn’t stop grinning like a slap-happy idiot afterwards. They were laying side-by-side in bed, both on their backs, still panting slightly. Josh rolled onto his side and propped himself up on one elbow, and Chris mirrored his pose so they were facing each other.

“I have an idea,” Josh said.

“Does it involve more sex? Because I don’t know if I’ve got a third orgasm in me just yet,” Chris said. Josh snorted.

“No, you horny bastard. I wanna go on a trip with you,” he said.

Chris smiled. “Aw, really? Our first trip together. I’m totally in. Just name the time and the place.”

“Next week. I already requested it off work,” Josh said. “And I want us to go stay at my parents’ lodge. The one in Alberta.”

Chris’s smile faltered. “Oh. The one where…?”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Josh cut in. “And I’m fine. I want to take you there. It would mean a lot to me, please?”

Chris worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “You really sure about this?”

Josh huffed. “Yes, Chris, I’m sure.”

“Okay, okay, I’m just checking. If it means that much to you, yeah, of course. Of course I’ll go.”

“Good,” Josh said, smile returning. He leaned forward to peck Chris on the mouth. “Thank you,” he added.

“Anything for you,” Chris said.

 

* * *

 

He was still hesitant, though, and decided to check in with Sam about the whole thing, see what she thought.

“He wants to go back to the lodge? Why?” Sam said, eyes wide with shock. She and Chris were sitting on her tiny balcony at her apartment, drinking some fancy organic herbal tea she’d brewed for them. It was early enough in the day that the air was still chilly, and steam from their mugs rose up into their faces.

“He was really vague, he just said it was important to him that we do it,” Chris said with a shrug. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

“He can hardly even handle a dinner at his parents’ house without having a meltdown,” Sam said. “How does he expect to handle going to the place where his sisters disappeared? It’s gonna be a disaster.” She took a sip from her mug. “But I mean, hey, first vacation as a couple! Good for you.”

Chris narrowed his eyes at her. “Thanks, Sam, you’ve really instilled confidence in me.”

“Sorry,” she said. “You know what, I bet it will be fine. Keep me updated though, okay? If he starts having trouble, just call me.”

“I think I can handle it,” Chris said. “I _am_ his boyfriend, after all. And you’re not his babysitter.”

She frowned. “I’m just worried about him, okay? He’s been super weird lately. Not all jokey with me at work like he usually is.”

“Yeah, he has been kind of off,” Chris said sadly. “Well, maybe this will help him get over that. He seemed so excited about it, more excited than I’ve seen him in forever.”

“I hope you’re right,” Sam said simply. Chris sighed. He hoped he was right, too.

 

* * *

 

And Josh did seem excited, talking eagerly about the trip the whole week and double-checking that Chris packed warm clothes the night before. Once they got off the bus in front of the cable car station, though, his demeanor shifted. He looked nervous, and his posture was stiff. He rubbed his forearms, huffing out a small breath that clouded in the cold air.

“Well, here we are,” he said, nodding to the station. “Say goodbye to your phone, by the way. There’s no service up on the mountain.”

“Ah, what?” Chris groaned. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“Yeah, because I knew you’d hate it,” Josh said with a snort. “C’mon, dude, it’s just a week. Somehow, you’ll live.”

“Ugh. The things I do for you,” Chris grumbled. Josh made a noncommittal grunt. He kept looking around nervously. Chris glanced around, too, but there was nothing unusual in the snowy trees. “You alright, dude? You seem kind of jumpy.”

Josh shot him a look. “I’m fine.” He unlocked the cable car station door and the boys shuffled in. Chris eyed the cable car with trepidation, but climbed inside nonetheless. Josh, who’d been so talkative prior to the trip, was quiet for the cable car ride. He stared out the window as they rose higher and higher in the air. Chris was determinedly not looking outside as the ground fell away beneath them. When they got off, Chris could have kissed the ground. Josh at least seemed mildly amused by his terror.

“Didn’t know you were so scared of heights, Cochise,” he said. Chris pouted.

“It’s not heights I’m afraid of, it’s plummeting to my death on a rickety old cable car,” he said.

“Oh relax. I’ve ridden on that thing a million times, it’s solid.” Josh hoisted up his duffel bag. “C’mon, it’s cold as shit out here.”

They hiked up to the lodge. It was beautiful, and enormous. The sunset blazed low in the sky behind it, and Josh was quick to unlock the door and usher Chris inside. It was dark and smelled like mothballs and dust.

“Home sweet home,” Josh said in a small voice. Chris looked at him. Josh was gazing around the lodge with a pained expression. He caught Chris staring at him and his face broke into a too-big smile. “You like it?” he asked.

“It’s… big,” Chris said. He shivered a little; it wasn’t much warmer inside the lodge than it had been outside. “It’s nice.”

Josh didn’t reply. He was staring into space, and Chris noticed his lips moving slightly, like he was muttering to himself. The moment passed and he gave Chris another one of those slightly-off smiles. “I’ll get a fire going,” he said.

They made out for a bit in front of the fire, but Josh’s heart didn’t seem to be in it, so Chris insisted they stop, and then they just sat there, Chris carding his fingers through Josh’s hair while he stared pensively into the flames.

“Do you know what happened the night my sisters disappeared?” Josh said suddenly. Chris froze for a moment before he resumed stroking Josh’s hair.

“You don’t have to talk about this,” he said gently.

“I kind of do,” Josh said. He took a few slow breaths. “Hannah and Beth, they liked to go on walks in the evenings, look at the stars and shit. Normally I’d go with them, but that night when they asked me, I was feeling shitty. My meds were making me feel like garbage and I just wanted to get drunk, but my parents were still awake so I couldn’t. I made my sisters go without me.” He was shaking slightly in Chris’s arms. “The snowstorm came out of nowhere. That happens sometimes up here. We couldn’t even go outside to search for them. They were just… gone.”

Chris didn’t know what to say. He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down Josh’s arm. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

“They don’t say it, but I think… I think my parents blame me,” Josh said.

“What? No, that’s nuts. Why would they?”

“I blame me,” Josh said bitterly. “If I’d just gone with them, instead of sitting in the house throwing a fucking pity party for myself…”

“Then you would have disappeared in the snowstorm, too,” Chris said. “Come on, Josh, you can’t think that way. I know I never knew your sisters, but if they were anything like you…”

“They weren’t. They’re better than me in every way,” Josh interrupted. Chris resisted the urge to sigh.

“Okay, then I’m sure they knew this place just as well as you do, and were just as tough as you. I don’t think you being there would have saved them.” He could feel Josh pulling away from him, and he wondered if he’d said the wrong thing. Josh turned to look at him.

“I think you were right,” he said. “Let’s not talk about this.”

Chris winced; he’d definitely fucked up somehow. Josh leaned back against him, but the mood was different. Finally, Josh announced that they should get to bed. They changed into their pajamas and went into Josh’s room in the lodge; it had a bunch of movie posters on the walls. The bulletin board had lots of pictures pinned to it, including one of his sisters, but Josh quickly took that down and shoved it in a drawer when he noticed it. They got under the covers and Josh curled into a ball, his back to Chris.

Chris tried to sleep, but the lodge was large and old, and it kept making creepy creaking noises. Then, from outside, he heard it. A shrill shrieking, one that chilled his very core. “What the fuck was that?” he hissed at the back of Josh’s head. No response. Chris pulled the blankets up to his chin and stared at the ceiling. The shriek came again. “Josh, do you hear that?”

“Probably just the fucking wind,” Josh grunted. “Go to sleep, dude.”

As Josh faded into a fitful sleep, Chris turned on his side and put his arm around his boyfriend, tugging him close to his chest and telling himself things would be less unsettling in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wendigo appears in this fic like "surprise bitch, bet you thought you'd seen the last of me" 
> 
> next few chapters shit gets real. also josh's mood shift does get explained so don't y'all worry


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, every time: ok guys next chapter might be a while!  
> me: literally can't help myself from writing more immediately
> 
> this chapter is super long but i've had a lot of it written since before i even started the rest of the fic and i didn't want to split it up, so here's this.  
> TW for some nonconsensual touching. also, everything is terrible and i'm sorry.

Things were far from better in the morning. Josh had tossed and turned all night, which kept Chris awake most of the night. Though he doubted he’d have been able to sleep much anyway; the lodge really gave him the creeps, and all those weird sounds outside didn’t help. Chris decided he seriously hated nature.

After giving up on trying to sleep, Chris slipped out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen, wanting to make some breakfast. Josh had brought a bag of groceries up with them, and Chris dug through it until he found some poptarts -- not the romantic breakfast in bed he’d been hoping for, but it’d do. He was putting the poptarts in the toaster when he heard Josh come into the kitchen. He turned around and smiled at his boyfriend. Josh looked terrible, with heavy bags under his eyes and a hollow expression.

“Morning,” Chris said too brightly. “I was just making breakfast. You, uh, sleep okay?”

“Ha,” Josh said sourly. He sat down at the kitchen island, folding his arms on the counter and resting his head on them. Chris bit his lip, looking at him. The toaster shot the poptarts up loudly, causing Chris to jump.

“So what do you wanna do today?” he asked, shaking himself and grabbing the poptarts, tossing them onto a plate and wincing when they burnt his fingers. “You know I’m not really an outdoorsman, but I _will_ suck it up and go on a hike with you if you want.”

Josh grunted, face still buried in his arms. “Not today,” he said. Chris pushed the plate of poptarts towards him.

“Okay, that’s fine by me,” he said. “So what do you want to do? Didn’t you say there’s a home theater in this place? We could watch a movie.”

“I think I want to be alone for a bit,” Josh said, lifting his head. He grabbed one of the poptarts and slid out of his seat, turning to leave the kitchen. Chris’s face fell.

“Oh… really?” he said. Josh glanced back at him.

“There’s lots of stuff to do here, I’m sure you’ll find some way to entertain yourself,” he said. His voice was cold, and Chris cringed. Josh left the room.

“That went well,” Chris muttered to himself. He took a poptart from the plate and bit into it moodily.

This started a pattern which continued for the next few days; Josh lurked around the lodge while Chris wandered around trying to keep himself occupied. What was really weird was that Josh kept _watching_ him. He’d be reading a book or playing one of the games on his phone that didn’t require internet access, and then he’d look up and see Josh standing at the upstairs landing or something, just staring at him suspiciously. It was kind of creepy. And then, after the second day, Josh started talking to himself a lot. When it first happened, Chris thought maybe Josh was on the phone with someone somehow; he heard Josh in one of the rooms, having some kind of one-sided conversation. He sounded fairly calm, almost placating; he kept saying, “I know, I know…” Chris didn’t ask him about it, but then one day he heard Josh sound more distressed. He was in the bedroom with the door closed, and as Chris walked by, he heard Josh whimpering, “No, no… I’m sorry, no, no, please… just leave me alone, I’m sorry….”

“Josh?” Chris said, leaning his ear against the door. “Are you okay in there?”

Josh continued to babble apologies, clearly not paying Chris any mind. Chris tried the doorknob and it was unlocked, so he opened the door. Josh was sitting on the floor, gripping his head with both hands. He looked pained.

“Josh?” Chris said worriedly. Josh jerked his head up and seemed to snap out of whatever was going on. He frowned.

“What do you want?” he said.

“You… I heard you crying,” Chris said helplessly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Josh said tightly. “I wasn’t crying. You must’ve been hearing things.”

Chris raised his eyebrows. He definitely wasn’t imagining things… right? He backed away from the door. “Uh, okay. Well, I’ll leave you alone then, I guess.”

Chris was miserable, and he would’ve been pissed at Josh if he wasn’t so worried. The only time Josh didn’t seem angered by his presence was at night, when he shook with nightmares and clung to Chris like a lifeline if he woke up. Chris was almost certain that Josh was off his meds, or at least not taking them regularly, but he had no way to prove it; Josh’s medication was packed away in his bag, which he kept moving around so Chris couldn’t find it. After he’d caught Chris messing around in his medicine cabinet that day back home, he’d been a lot stealthier with his medication. And the lodge was like a goddamn labyrinth, so Josh could be keeping his shit anywhere. Chris was at a loss for what to do. One day, he took a bath in the huge tub upstairs. When Josh had told him about the bathtub before they’d left for the trip, Chris had imagined the two of them taking a bath together, maybe with candlelight and bubbles. Instead, he sat alone in there, and when Josh’s voice, talking to himself, floated in from another room, Chris held his breath and dunked under the water as long as he could stand it.

After the fourth day, Chris couldn’t take it anymore. They still had three days of this vacation, and Josh had been deteriorating into a kind of shadow, just drifting around the lodge having conversations with no one or scowling at Chris from across the room. Chris knew it was withdrawals, or maybe being back at the lodge had triggered some kind of mental breakdown, but either way, it had gone on long enough. Josh needed help, and Chris didn’t think he was capable of giving it to him on his own. That night, as Josh slept fitfully beside him, Chris didn’t even bother trying to sleep. When the sun started to peek through the curtains, Chris carefully rolled out of bed and got dressed. It was barely 6:30 in the morning. He left a note for Josh on the bedside table. _Went for a walk, be back soon. - Chris xx_

He didn’t think Josh would even see the note; he may be a restless sleeper, but Josh rarely got out of bed before noon of his own volition, so Chris was sure he’d be back before his boyfriend even woke up. He put on his coat and went downstairs, sneaking out the front door quietly. As he walked down the path towards the cable car, he tried to think what he’d say to Sam when he called her. He wasn’t sure what he even expected her to do or say, but she knew Josh better than anyone. He was a little bitter that he needed Sam’s help after all, but he was trying not to let that get to him. Anyway, he was kind of distracted when he noticed long gouges in some of the trees along the path. He stopped to examine one of the scratch marks. These definitely weren’t there when he and Josh had walked up to the lodge a few days ago. He thought about the “wind” noises he heard at night and shuddered. This place was so fucking creepy.

He got to the cable car station and reluctantly got inside to ride the car back down the mountain. When he got out and saw that his phone’s service bars had returned, he could’ve wept. Four days without contact with the outside world was getting to him. He took a brief moment to check Facebook, liking a photo his mom posted of his little brother and sister and commenting a movie suggestion on Ashley’s status asking for Netflix recommendations. It felt so refreshingly normal. He scrolled to a status Josh had posted a few days ago: “Can’t wait to spend some quality time with my fav nerd this week!” Chris sighed. He closed Facebook and called Sam. He hoped she was awake, it was only seven.

When she picked up, at first all Chris heard was breathless giggling and a whispered, “Mike, cut it out!” and then a voice that was distinctly male and definitely not Sam’s spoke.

“Hello, you’ve reached Samantha’s phone, she’s currently _very_ busy right now, can I take a message?”

Chris felt heat rise in cheeks when he realized what he must have interrupted. “Uh, hi Mike. It’s Chris. Um, can I please talk to Sam real quick?”

Mike sounded annoyed. “Chris, we’re kind of in the middle of--” he was cut off, and Chris heard a scuffling and more whispers. Then, Sam’s voice came through the phone.

“Chris? Hi, sorry about that. Mike was being a tool.” A yelp of protest from Mike, followed by a hissed, “shut _up_ ” from Sam. “What’s going on?” she said. “Is Josh okay?”

He sighed. “He’s really not. Sam, I think he might be off his meds or something. He just keeps skulking around, glaring at me, and he’s been talking to himself. He always denies it, but i hear him. I don’t know where his meds are, though, so I can’t check. But,” he exhaled slowly. “I’m really worried. I’m afraid he might hurt himself or something.”

“Shit,” Sam said. “I knew he wasn’t ready for this. But why would he stop taking his meds? Last time he accidentally went off, he told me he was scared to see what would happen if he was off them for a long time.”

“I have no idea,” Chris said. “But I’m kind of at a loss here, Sam. What should I do?”

She paused, and Chris listened to her breathe on the other line. He looked out at the mountains in the early morning light. It was beautiful, but it felt isolating. Finally, Sam said, “I need to talk to him. Maybe I can get through to him. We’ll come up there today.” More protests from Mike, which Sam ignored. “Think you can hold out until this evening?”

“I’ve lasted this long,” Chris said. “But Sam, are you sure about this? You don’t have to.”

“He’s my best friend, of course I have to,” she said. “It’s really no big deal. Besides, I’ve only been up to the lodge once, I’ve always wanted to go back. It’s beautiful up there, right?”

“I think it’s creepy,” he admitted. “But whatever floats your boat, I guess.”

“Uh huh. Okay, well, I’ll see you later, okay? Hang in there.”

“Yeah. Uh, Sam? Should I tell Josh you’re coming?” he asked.

“Hmm. Up to you. But -- Mike, _wait_ a second -- I really gotta go now, Chris. It’s gonna be fine, okay? He’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

“Okay. Bye, Sam.” He hung up and chewed on his lip anxiously. Then he got in the cable car and rode back to the top of the mountain. By the time he got to the lodge, it was almost eight. He slipped inside and closed the door as quietly as possible, shivering a bit.

“Where were you?” Josh’s voice came from the doorway to the living room. Chris nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned around and Josh was staring him down, arms crossed.

“Hey,” Chris said. “Uh, I just went for a walk. Did you see my note?”

“Yeah, I saw it. And I know you’re lying,” Josh said. “You hate the woods. No way you’d go on a walk by yourself just for fun. What were you doing?”

Chris swallowed. “Okay, fine, you’re right. I took the cable car down the mountain.”

“Why?”

Chris decided that he didn’t want to tell Josh he’d called for backup -- that wouldn’t go over well. “I just needed some cell service, that’s all. I wanted to catch up on social media and shit. Four days is a long time without technology, man.”

Josh narrowed his eyes, but he seemed to buy it. “I think you have an addiction to your phone, dude. Shit’s not healthy.”

Chris laughed nervously. “Whoops.”

Josh’s lips twitched in what was the closest thing to a smile Chris had seen in four days. “Do you want breakfast?” he said. Chris nodded, relaxing a bit. Josh held out his hand, and Chris stepped forward and took it, squeezing maybe a bit harder than necessary. Josh made a face and said, “Jeez, man, you trying to break my fingers?”

The morning and afternoon passed similarly to the previous days, except that Josh didn’t glare at Chris so much. He still spent most of his time by himself somewhere in the house, but Chris wasn’t as distressed by this as before. Maybe it was just the prospect of Sam coming to help soon, but he felt like things were about to get better, finally.

Around five, there was a knock on the lodge door. Josh, who was standing by the fire and staring into it with a brooding expression, looked up. “Who the hell…?” he muttered. Chris, who had been reading a book on the couch, stood up and eyed Josh nervously. He followed him to the front door. Josh opened it, and there stood Sam and Mike. Sam was smiling brightly, dressed in a jacket and jeans, a winter cap with a pom-pom on her head. Mike stood behind her, holding two suitcases and looking far less eager.

“Hi Josh!” Sam said. Josh stared at her in shock. “Um, surprise!” she added.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Josh said finally.

“We thought you could use some company,” Sam said, still smiling. Josh whirled around to look at Chris, who cowered slightly.

“Is this why you left this morning?” he snapped. “Why did you bring them up here?”

“I, um….” Chris said weakly.

“Josh, hey,” Sam said. He turned back to her, still scowling. “Don’t be mad, okay, we just wanted to come see you guys. Didn’t mean to interrupt your trip. We can stay at the cabin, yeah? And we’ll come by in the morning and we can talk more.”

Mike grumbled, “I told you this was a bad idea.” Sam stomped on his foot.

“Whatever,” Josh said. “I don’t care what you do.”

Sam’s smile faded, and her eyes looked sad. “Alright. Well, we’ll just go to the cabin, then. C’mon, Mike.” She stepped back from the door, and Josh slammed it shut. He turned to Chris again, who flinched instinctively.

“Don’t talk to me,” Josh said, pushing past Chris and storming off. Chris slumped against the wall. Sam’s arrival definitely hadn’t had the effect he’d hoped for.

Josh continued to avoid him for another hour. Then, when Chris was walking from the kitchen to the living room, Josh appeared and confronted him.

“Why the fuck did you call them up here?” he said.

“Josh…” Chris held up his hands disarmingly. “Look, dude, I’m sorry, okay? I should have told you. But something’s up with you lately, and frankly, I’m getting worried.”

Josh’s lip curled in a sneer. “Is that so?”

“Yes! I don’t know what’s going on, but you’ve been acting really, _really_ weird. And you won’t talk to me, so I thought maybe you’d talk to Sam.”

Josh stepped closer to him, and the look in his eyes was dangerous, but Chris held his ground. “You think I’m being _weird_ , Chris? Maybe this is just who I really am, did you think of that? Maybe this is the real me without the medication making me numb.”

Chris’s eyes widened. “I fucking knew it. You’re not taking your meds, are you?”

Josh ground his teeth. “That’s not your business,” he said. He continued to close the space between them, and Chris licked his lips nervously. Josh smiled, and he looked so unlike himself that Chris wanted to cry. “Are you scared of me, Chris?” Josh asked.

Before Chris could reply, Josh grabbed him by the back of the neck and crushed their mouths together, a painful, angry kiss. Chris balked, trying to pull away, but Josh’s hand was firm against his neck.

“Josh, stop, I don’t want to do this,” he said, angling his mouth away. “We need to talk, man.” Josh was ignoring him, and when he felt Josh’s hand grab roughly at his belt buckle, fingers sliding into his waistband, Chris put his hands on Josh’s shoulders and shoved him, hard. “I said _stop_!” he said loudly. They broke apart, Josh breathing heavily. Chris stared at him, feeling gross and afraid. Josh blinked a few times, like he was coming out of a daze. Chris was shaking.

“Chris…” Josh said slowly. The stormy look in his eyes was gone. He looked horrified. “Chris, I didn’t… I don’t know why I…”

“I’m going for a walk,” Chris said suddenly. Josh’s eyes widened.

“No, Chris, please don’t go. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I did that, I just got so mad…”

“I need some air,” Chris said firmly. Josh took a step back. Chris tried to pretend he didn’t notice the tears welling up in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Josh whispered. Chris walked past him and grabbed his coat, pulling it on and opening the front door.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said, not turning around. Josh didn’t reply. Chris left.

He was still shaken as he walked down the path, following the signs that pointed to the cabin. At least now it had been confirmed that Josh was off his meds. Somehow, that made Chris feel slightly better; Josh was going through withdrawals, that was all. As soon as he was back on medication, things would be okay again. Still, Josh had never been so aggressive with him, had never ignored Chris when he asked him to stop. He _was_ scared of Josh in that moment, and it sickened him that he felt that way. As he walked, he realized it would be dark by the time he got to the cabin where Mike and Sam were. He hoped they could loan him a flashlight or something for his walk back.

He got to the cabin as the last vestiges of sunset dwindled in the sky. He knocked on the door and Sam answered. She took one look at his expression and ushered him inside.

“What happened?” she asked, leading him to the couch. Mike was in the process of starting a fire. Chris and Sam sat down on the couch.

“He’s off his meds,” Chris said. “He basically admitted it. And… he, uh, he was all over me, and he didn’t stop when I asked him to stop.” He ran a hand over his face. “I can’t handle this, Sam.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s going to be okay, Chris. We’ll figure this out.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m just so worried.” He sighed. “Can you guys come back to the lodge with me? I’m sorry, I know you just got over here, I just… I don’t want to try to reason with him alone.”

Mike looked thoroughly annoyed, but Sam just said, “Of course we will. Of course.” She got a flashlight from her suitcase and took Mike’s hand. “C’mon, grumpy.”

“Golly Mike, this will be _fun_!” Mike said in a terrible imitation of Sam’s voice. “All we’ve managed to do is piss off Josh and now we’re stomping through the woods in the dark.”

Sam elbowed him. “Don’t be mean,” she warned. The three of them walked down the dark path, Sam’s flashlight the only thing illuminating the way ahead. Suddenly, a bloodcurdling shriek ripped through the silent night air. They all froze.

“What the _hell_ was that?” Sam said.

“I’ve been hearing it every night,” Chris said, squinting in the darkness.

“Probably just, like, a squirrel or something,” Mike said nervously.

“What the fuck kinda squirrels have you been around?” Sam said. They kept moving, but they were all rather tense now. There was a rustling off the path, and another shriek. They whirled around, and Sam’s flashlight beam illuminated a large _something_ in the trees.

“Run!” Mike yelled, and the three of them took off, terrified. Chris lost sight of Sam and Mike as the flashlight beam bobbed away from him. He hadn’t gotten a good look at whatever was behind them, but it looked big. His foot caught on a root or something on the ground, and he fell forward, his glasses flying off his face as he smacked the earth. He groaned in pain, his hands aching from slamming against the ground. He felt blindly around for his glasses until he grabbed them, and shoved them back on his face. One of the lenses was cracked, spider-webbing all along the glass.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He rolled onto his back and scooted backwards on his ass, trying to make out anything in the darkness. He thought he could see something approaching, but it was too dark to make out much. He stilled, hoping maybe it couldn’t see him. After a tense moment, whatever it was vanished into the trees with a screech. He scrambled to his feet and took off again, pulling out his phone and using the flashlight app to avoid any more tree roots. Finally, he saw the lodge. Thanking whatever deity was looking down on him, he dashed up the steps and flung the door open. Mike was standing in the foyer, and he looked relieved for a moment when he saw Chris, but his expression soon turned to one of worry.

“Where’s Sam?” he asked.

“She’s not with you?” Chris said. Mike shook his head.

“Fuck. I lost track of her when we were running. Shit, fuck, shit!” Mike ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end.

“That thing,” Chris said. “Did you see what it was?”

Mike grimaced. “I saw… something. It was big. Looked like a person, kind of. I don’t know.” He shifted from foot to foot, agitated. “I have to go find Sam.” He strode forward to push past Chris.

“Wait,” Chris said. “Have you seen Josh?”

“No, he wasn’t here,” Mike said.

“What?” Chris said, panic blooming in his chest. He looked around and noticed that Josh’s shoes were no longer by the door, and his coat wasn’t hanging up. “Fuck. He must’ve gone looking for me when I left.” When Chris imagined Josh, in his unstable condition, wandering around in the dark looking for him with that _thing_ out there, his insides turned to ice.

“I don’t have time for this,” Mike said angrily, shoving Chris to the side and going back out into the darkness. “I’m going to find Sam. You can come or not, I don’t care.”

“I’m coming with you,” Chris said. “We have to look for Josh, too.”

“To be perfectly honest, Chris, I couldn’t give a shit where Josh is,” Mike said, stomping down the front steps. Chris stared at his back.

“Dude, what the hell?” he said. Mike looked back at him.

“It’s thanks to Josh’s little meltdown that Sam and I are even here, and now she’s gone. And _you’re_ the one who dragged our asses out here. Couldn’t deal with a little relationship drama without making Sam play mediator.” Mike was fuming.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Chris said, anger seeping into his own voice. “This was more than just a meltdown, okay, Josh is really sick and I couldn’t deal with it on my own!” He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to calm down. “Look, Mike, this isn’t helping. Sam and Josh are both out there somewhere and we need to try to find them. So just… just ease up, okay?”

Mike’s shoulders sagged, and he nodded, the fight gone out of him. “Yeah. You’re right, man. Sorry. I just need Sam to be okay. I really care about her, you know?”

Chris’s chest tightened. “Yeah. I know.”

“Wish we had a gun or something,” Mike muttered as Chris joined him at the bottom of the stairs. “There’s one in the cabin, but that’s a ways off.”

“Maybe that thing wasn’t dangerous,” Chris said. Mike barked out a humorless laugh. The two of them wandered around to the side of the house, where they found a couple icy shovels leaning against the wall. Mike picked one up and weighed it in his hands.

“Better than nothing,” he said. He tossed one to Chris. “Hey, you gonna be able to see okay?” He gestured to Chris’s broken lens.

“I’ll be fine,” Chris said. “So now what?”

Mike deliberated. “We should split up, cover more ground that way.”

Chris frowned. “What is this, Scooby Doo? That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Shut up. Look, I’ll leave a note on the door in case Sam or Josh comes back here, telling them to wait inside. You and me, we’ll each take a direction and start looking for them. In an hour, we meet back here at the lodge. Okay?” Mike spoke with such authority, Chris found himself agreeing.

“I guess that could work,” he said. Looking satisfied, Mike ran back up the stairs to leave his note, and then came back to Chris in the snow.

“See you back here in an hour?” he said. Chris tightened his grip on the shovel.

“Hope so,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops things sure escalated  
> for real this time, the next chapter might be a while since i don't have it mostly written out like i did with this one. also finals are coming up and i can only use fic as a method of procrastination for so long. send me good luck study vibes and i'll post more as soon as i can. radical.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris looks for Sam and Josh, and finds something terrifying instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not even gonna bother saying "next one might be awhile!" because that never ends up being true. i'll probably post the next chapter after thanksgiving.
> 
> big thanks to [laura](http://not-your-bro.tumblr.com/) for letting me bounce ideas off her for this chapter!!
> 
> and y'all!!!!!! look at this [amazing beautiful fanart](http://banhmiboy.tumblr.com/post/133760219268/if-you-want-a-really-good-fic-that-features) that banhmiboy made for boys next door!!! this is like a dream come true for someone to make fanart for my fic i'm in awe. 
> 
> final order of business: i really enjoyed all of the variations of "goddamn it" in the comments last chapter. you're probably gonna say that with this one too. oops. (also, the layout of the mines might not be accurate to the game but idc)
> 
> WARNING: this one gets gory. sorry.

When Mike had declared his plan, it had seemed like a decent enough course of action to Chris. But as he wandered somewhat aimlessly in the dark snow, with his broken glasses and nothing but a frosted-over shovel and his cell phone’s flashlight to protect himself, Chris kind of felt like maybe this was the worst idea ever. It sounded so much better when Mike said it in his authoritative Mike voice! Chris sighed to himself. He had no doubt that in their two-man Scooby Doo gang, he was the Shaggy/Scooby half of the team. And he’d seen enough episodes to know that he’d be the one to run into the monster and be chased through an endless hallway of doors or some shit. He only hoped that whatever had been chasing them in the woods would trip on something and reveal itself to be some money-hungry old white guy, who would shake his fist and say “I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

Chris knew that Josh would be teasing the shit out of him for thinking about a stupid cartoon in this situation. Thinking about his boyfriend made Chris’s chest tighten. Goddamn it, Josh. Why had he stopped taking his medication? And why hadn’t he talked to Chris about whatever was going on with him that made him feel like he should stop in the first place? Did he still not trust Chris? He thought about what Ashley had said to him the other day, about how Josh actually _tried_ with Chris, when he didn’t try with most people. And then Chris felt selfish and awful for thinking that that wasn’t enough.

He eyed the edge of the woods reluctantly. He really didn’t want to go in there again, but that’s where the path to the cabin was, which was the last place he’d seen Sam and probably where Josh had gone when he’d left the lodge. Straightening his back and trying to feel tough and brave instead of tired and terrified, Chris walked to the path and began backtracking his way to the cabin, twitching every time he heard so much as a twig snap.

“Sam? Josh? You out here?” he called as loud as he dared. Nothing. He swept his phone’s flashlight across the trees surrounding him and saw nothing but leaves and shadows.

Something rustled to his left, and in the distance he heard that god-awful screech. His stomach dropped and he looked around frantically for somewhere to hide. A rather large fallen tree on the right side of the trail caught his eye, and he leapt over it and dropped to his stomach, laying flat against the ground. There was a rotted away section at eye level if he lifted his head a little bit, and he squinted through it at the trail. He shoved his phone in his coat pocket to hide the light. He hardly dared to breathe.

Out from the trees, a deer walked onto the trail. Chris let out a sigh of both relief and embarrassment. Just a fucking deer. He started to rise, pushing himself up onto his elbows, when the screeching came again, louder and closer this time. He dropped down again, heart hammering, and pressed his eye to the hole in the tree.

The deer started to bolt when something sprang from the trees and caught it. The thing moved like a fucking spider, jerky and long-limbed. It was hard to see it in the dark, but it did look vaguely humanoid, but distorted somehow, with too-long arms and legs, taut skin stretched over its bony frame. The thing had the deer clutched in long, clawed fingers, and it held it up with one hand while the other pierced through the deer’s underbelly like it was tissue paper. Guts and blood spilled out onto the dirt path and Chris wanted to vomit. The deer made a horrible dying sound and the creature shrieked. Chris thought he could make out a veritable shit-ton of jagged teeth in its gaping maw. After a moment of examining its gored prey, the creature went off again into the night, carrying the deer as if it were nothing and leaving a smeared trail of blood behind. Chris waited until the sound of its retreat had faded before he allowed himself to breathe, a shaky exhale that nearly turned into a sob. What the fuck had he gotten himself into?

He pushed himself up on his elbows again, swallowing back bile at the smell of the deer’s organs a few feet away. Whatever that monster was, it was fast and strong. Not a good combo for Chris, who was clumsy and had the muscle mass of a guy who spent a majority of his life couch-potatoing in front of a computer. The most exercise he got was from fucking Josh, which was admittedly pretty strenuous at times. But this really wasn’t the time to be thinking about that.

He got to his feet, pulling out his phone again and shining it into the trees behind him. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and the creature as possible, so he headed away from the gore and the trail, too afraid now to call out for Josh or Sam. He wished he had even the vaguest idea of where he was going. He really hoped he could find his way back to the lodge in an hour. He hoped Mike, the Fred/Daphne half of the team, was faring better than he was.

A little further into the woods, he spotted something on the ground. It looked like some kind of fabric. When he got closer, he saw that it was Sam’s hat, the one with the pom-pom that she’d been wearing earlier. “Ah, shit,” he said, leaning down to pick it up. “Not good.” He looked around, as if Sam would be standing by a tree casually waiting for him. No such luck. He did, however, notice footprints in the snow around Sam’s hat. Stowing the beanie in his coat pocket, he followed them. They went on for quite a while, and their path forced Chris to hoist himself over a couple of logs with great difficulty. Freaking Sam and her athleticism. Finally, the prints stopped at a man-made hole in the rocks; it looked like the entrance to a mine. Chris frowned -- he didn’t remember Josh mentioning there being a mine on the mountain. As sketchy as an abandoned mine in the middle of the night seemed, he had no choice but to go inside.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Scoob,” he muttered to himself. These stupid Scooby Doo jokes were rapidly becoming the only thing keeping him from completely losing his shit about this whole situation. Well, he wasn’t about to question his coping mechanisms. “Sam?” he said, peering into the gloom. “You in here?” He came to the edge of a drop that led down into the mine itself. It looked as though there had been boards making a kind of barricade along the edge, but something had busted through them. He leaned over the edge and saw a couple snapped pieces of wood on the ground, along with what looked a lot like Sam’s flashlight. He exhaled slowly. “Sam?” he called again. No answer. Bracing himself, Chris dropped the shovel over the side and then jumped down, landing hard on his feet and feeling the impact vibrate up his leg bones. He hissed in pain. This was way too much parkour for one night.

The flashlight was dead; Chris kicked it to the side, picking up his shovel and glancing around. The only way forward was blocked by a rusty old mine cart. He gave it a few experimental shoves, but it didn’t budge. He figured if Sam really had come down here, she must’ve just squeezed through the gap between the cart and the wall. He eyed it dubiously. Chris was not a small guy, and that gap was pretty fucking small. He didn’t enjoy the prospect of getting stuck halfway like some kind of idiot. But there was no way back up to where he’d come, so he was out of options. “God fucking damn it,” he mumbled, and then he sucked in his gut as much as he could and edged himself into the gap, wincing as he scraped along the wall. After what felt like an eternity, he made it through to the other side, rubbing his back and frowning as he looked down the old tracks. He wondered why the hell Sam would’ve even come down here. This place was creepy. Everything about this stupid mountain was creepy. Chris was never letting Josh pick their vacation spots again.

“Sam? If you’re not actually down here and I just jumped down a mineshaft for nothing, I’m gonna be so mad,” he hissed, starting to make his way further into the dusty darkness. He had no idea which way was the right way to go. He hoped there was another way out of here. The tunnel twisted and turned, and he was just about to give up and turn around when something grabbed his shoulder. He let out a high-pitched, “Yikes!” and swung around, shovel raised, almost bashing Sam right in the face. Luckily, Sam had excellent reflexes and grabbed the handle of the shovel before it could hit her, ducking a bit.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” she said. “Slow your roll, dude.”

Chris’s eyes widened slightly and he lowered the shovel. “You snuck up on me,” he said in a small voice. She frowned.

“You almost took my head off!” she said accusingly. They stared at each other for a moment. Then Sam flung her arms around him in a crushing hug that nearly knocked him off his feet. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said, letting go. “What are you doing down here?”

“Looking for you,” he said. He pulled out her hat and handed it to her. “I found this outside. What the hell are _you_ doing down here?”

She sighed, shoving the beanie back on her head and wrapping her arms around herself. “That thing… I was just trying to get away, I went off the trail and then I saw the entrance to the mine. Thought maybe I could hide in here. Then I heard something outside, backed up too far and fell through that wood barrier up above. My stupid flashlight broke when it fell. I was trying to find a way out when…” she trailed off, looking pensive. “I need to show you something.”

“Uh, okay,” he said. “Sam, listen. Mike is out looking for you, too, and Josh is gone. I think he went out after me when I left, but he’s not in his right mind and I’m really worried.”

She did not seem as surprised by this news as he expected. “Yeah, I'm worried too,” she said. “But first you need to come look at this.” She dragged him around a corner, pulling out her phone to shine a light on a pile of stuff on the ground. It appeared to be a dirty knapsack and a shotgun. The gun had a strap, but it had been snapped in half. The bag was opened.

“What’s all this?” Chris asked.

“I found it down here,” she said.

“Do you think someone else is on the mountain?” he said.

“I don’t know why they’d just leave their shit here if they were,” Sam said. Chris thought about the deer he’d seen get eviscerated and shuddered. He had a feeling whoever this stuff belonged to hadn’t abandoned it willingly.

“So what is it?” he asked. Sam bent down and dug around in the bag.

“There’s all this weird stuff in here,” she said. She pulled out a small box. “Like, these are flares. And then there’s some like, dried meat or something. But this is what I wanted to show you,” she said, holding up what looked like a worn, old book.

“Lemme see,” he said, leaning his shovel against the wall and taking the book from her. “What is this?”

“It’s like a journal. This person, whoever they are, was documenting something they were hunting in the woods. Something called the wendigo.”

Chris raised an eyebrow. “The wendigo? That sounds super fake.”

“I know, but… just look at this page,” she said, leaning over and opening the journal. “It says it comes from a human who resorts to cannibalism.”

“This is fucking nuts,” Chris muttered, but he scanned the page nonetheless. At the bottom of the page was a description of the wendigo once it had transformed. _The eyes turn first and become milky and white. Then the teeth become longer, like fangs. The creature grows and the skin is pulled taut across the bones._

He thought again of the thing he’d seen in the woods. He felt his blood run cold. Sam flipped the page again a couple times. “They can only see movement, so if you’re totally still you have a chance of it not killing you. And it says they can only be killed by fire, but that killing them isn’t a good idea. The shotgun can hold them back.” She nudged it with her foot. “It’s fully loaded, but I couldn’t find any more shells in the bag.”

“Two shots,” Chris said. “Better than zero, I guess.”

“Chris,” Sam said seriously. “Before you showed up, I was reading through this and then I heard something, coming from further down the mines.” She pointed off into the gloom.

“What was it?” Chris asked nervously.

“It sounded like a voice. It sounded… well, it sounded like Josh.”

Chris stared at her. “What? Why didn’t you tell me that sooner? What are we waiting for, we have to go find him!” He made to move forward, to drop the journal, but Sam gripped his arm, stopping him. He gave her an incredulous look.

“Chris, just _listen_ to me for a second, okay?” she said. “Read this, right here.” She jabbed a finger at a paragraph on the page. He begrudgingly looked down. _Because the Wendigo is mutated from a human, it knows how to hunt us. It can perfectly mimic its prey. You must remain sharp and disciplined._

“So what, what are you saying?” he said. “That this… _wendigo_ was imitating Josh’s voice?”

“Maybe,” Sam said. “I don’t know, Chris. You showed up before I could make up my mind.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, and then he thrust the journal back at her. “We have to make sure.”

“What if it’s not Josh?” she said quietly.

“What if it is?” he said. “Sam, we can’t just walk away if he’s down here. He’s… he’s sick, and he’s confused, and he could get hurt. I can’t let anything happen to him. We’re going to check. We’ve got a gun now.”

“With two bullets that won’t even kill the thing,” Sam muttered.

“Well, we have the flares! Maybe we can like, throw one at it or something,” he said, a bit desperate. “Sam, come on.”

“I know,” she said. “I know, Chris, I want to make sure Josh is okay, too. Believe me. I just don’t think we know what we’re up against. I mean, I didn’t even _see_ that thing back in the woods.”

“I did,” Chris said. His mind replayed the gory scene over and over again. It was almost enough to make him want to turn back, to take Sam and find a way to climb right out of this goddamn mine. But then he thought about the prospect of that creature getting to Josh, and it steeled his determination. “I’m not risking leaving Josh for that thing to find.”

Sam nodded, sticking the journal back in the bag and picking it up. She put it over her shoulder and then grabbed the shotgun, looking at it uneasily. “I don’t really know how to use a gun,” she said.

“I do,” Chris said. “Well, kinda. My uncle took me to a shooting range once back in high school. I think I remember how to use one.”

“You _think_?” Sam said.

“C’mon, it’s probably just like, like riding a bike, right?” he said, taking the gun from her and handing her the shovel. “Here, take this. We’ll be fine.”

She did not look reassured, but she accepted the shovel. “I heard Josh’s voice coming from down there,” she said, pointing. He nodded.

“Let’s go,” he said. They walked slowly, not speaking. Sam pressed close against Chris’s side.

“Do you remember when Josh was off his meds that one night?” she said quietly. He glanced down at her.

“Of course I do,” he said.

“After, he told me it was only a matter of time before you saw the ‘real’ him and got scared off.” She paused. “Are you? Scared off, I mean.”

He frowned. “Do you really think that’s the kind of person I am?” he asked. She lifted one shoulder in a weak shrug.

“I don’t think anyone would blame you if you were, after all this,” she said. He shot her a look.

“Yeah right. You’d kick my ass.”

She smiled slightly. “That’s true.” Another pause. “He wouldn’t blame you, though.”

Chris swallowed against the sudden ache in his throat. “Well, I’m not scared off. Am I scared? Yeah, but who the hell wouldn’t be after seeing some demon creature in the woods?” He tightened his grip on the shotgun. “But I’m not just going to abandon him.”

“Good,” she said. “I just wondered.”

Their footsteps were the only sounds for a while, and Chris started to get anxious. They hadn’t heard anything, Josh or otherwise, and they were just going further into the mines. “Maybe this was a bad idea,” he said.

Sam frowned. “It was _your_ idea, Chris.”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s probably a bad one,” he hissed. Sam gripped the sleeve of his jacket.

“We’re already this far,” she said. “Might as well keep going.”

“A nice sentiment before we die,” Chris muttered. She glared at him. Then she jerked to a halt, her hand fisting harder into his sleeve.

“Did you hear that?” she hissed. He tilted his head and strained to hear. The silence was overwhelming. Then, he heard a scuffling noise, coming from just out of their sights up ahead. He looked at Sam, and in the semi-darkness he could see fear etched in her features.

“What do you think it is?” he breathed.

“Shh,” she said, barely audible. “Remember, don’t move.”

After a few moments in tense silence, Chris got restless. Nothing had jumped from the shadows to kill them yet, so he took a small step forward, away from Sam. “Come on,” he said softly, “There’s nothing coming. Let’s keep going.”

The words barely left his mouth when something large and strong slammed into his chest, knocking him onto his back. It was the same humanoid something from the woods, long limbs folded as it crouched on his chest. Its face was terrifying this close up, the teeth yellowed and caked with blood. The eyes were cloudy, lidless and huge, like orbs looming above his face. He only had a few seconds to process all of this, though, because the creature -- the wendigo -- was digging one of its clawed hands into his chest, the other coming for his throat, and all he could think to do was shout, “Oh shit!” Which were just terrible last words, he thought. At least it wasn’t another Scooby Doo joke.

Then a cracking shot echoed through the tunnel and the wendigo flew backwards off of Chris. The acrid smell of gunpowder filled the air. He turned his head and saw Sam standing there, holding the shotgun he’d dropped when the creature jumped him. She looked terrified. Chris scrambled to his feet, trying to ignore the searing pain in his abdomen when he did so. Sam took another shot at the creature, and it was thrust further back down the tunnel. Then she grabbed Chris’s arm and ran back the way they’d come, yanking him around a corner. They stood with their backs pressed to the wall, Sam hugging the now-empty shotgun to her chest. They heard the creature shriek, and Chris closed his eyes, willing every muscle in his body to freeze.

The wendigo skittered along the tunnel, making terrible hissing sounds. It paused for a moment near the corner where Sam and Chris hid, but then it continued straight down the path, leaping in a jerky, weaving pattern. When it was out of sight, Sam let out her breath in a _whoosh_.

“Holy shit,” she muttered. Chris opened his mouth to agree, but his body chose that moment to remind him that he was in a lot of pain. He let out a strangled whimper and slid down to sit heavily on the ground. Sam quickly dropped to his side and fluttered her hands anxiously over his wounds. Panic danced in her eyes.

“I’m okay,” he managed, even though it was very obvious that he was not okay. He glanced down at his own chest and saw a whole lot of blood. He felt like he might puke.

“I don’t know what to do,” Sam said. “Oh no, this is bad. What do I do? Chris?”

“Don’t freak out…” he said slowly. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth. Black spots popped in front of his vision and he blinked, trying to get rid of them. “You’re supposed to be my Velma here,” he added. Confusion momentarily creased Sam’s brow, and he smiled slightly even as he slumped further towards the ground. He felt very dizzy.

“Chris,” Sam repeated, more urgently. “Stay with me, okay? Just keep your eyes on me. Come on.”

“S’okay,” he mumbled. He felt like his whole head was underwater. Everything was blurry and wiggly. “S’okay, Sam. ’M fine.” He was so fucking cold. His tunnel vision allowed him one more look into Sam’s worried eyes before sight failed him completely and everything fell into silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruh roh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris needs a hospital and a goddamn nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thinkin the next chapter will be the last one. thank you guys for all your comments on last couple chapters, your reactions crack me up. 
> 
> i hope everyone who celebrates it had a good turkey day and ate some good food. and speaking of food... back to the wendigos. 
> 
> (WARNING for some vaguely graphic descriptions of injuries, but nothing too gruesome imo)

When Chris became aware of something again, he was someplace very bright, with no discernable walls or ceiling, just white, bright light. Normally he’d be at least a little perturbed by this development, but frankly, after the shit he’d seen in the past several hours, this was nothing. He felt sort of floaty. It was nice.

In front of him, he realized Josh was standing there. Chris was dizzy with relief.

“Hey, man,” Josh said. He smiled a tired sort of smile. Chris made to approach him, but all of a sudden Josh’s lower half tore open, like the deer had in the woods, and everything from the waist down fell in a gut-spilling mess to the ground. His torso remained in the same position, hovering. Chris jerked backward, horrified. “It’s okay,” Josh said easily. “It’s okay, dude.”

“Josh…” Chris swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry, Josh. I never should have left the lodge. You were off your meds and I just left you alone... God, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Josh said. Chris forced himself not to look at the gory place where Josh’s torso ended. He looked at his boyfriend’s face, at the familiar weary expression in his eyes.

“Am I dead?” Chris asked. Josh frowned.

“I hope not,” he said.

“Are _you_ dead?” Chris said. Now Josh looked amused.

“Bro,” he said. “I have no idea.”

“Maybe we’re both dead,” Chris said thoughtfully. “I guess that’s what I get for following Mike’s stupid plan.”

Josh laughed slightly at that, like Chris knew he would. But then he said, “Don’t talk like that, man. You can’t just give up. C’mon, you’ve got shit to live for.”

“And you don’t?”

“Hey, this is your weird fever dream,” Josh said, holding up his hands in surrender. “You tell me.”

Before Chris could answer, Josh’s image flickered and disappeared. A moment later everything was dark again.

 

* * *

 

He blinked slowly, and Sam’s face swam into focus. A second later his ears caught up with his eyes, and he heard Sam saying, “Chris, come on, please wake up, oh god. Chris? Can you hear me?”

He groaned, and she let out a sigh of relief that might also have been a sob. His entire body ached. The skin on his neck stung. He tried to sit up and immediately collapsed back down.

“Easy,” Sam said. She put a cool hand against his cheek. “You scared the shit out of me,” she said. “I thought you were dead.”

“How long was I out?” he mumbled.

“Only a minute or so,” she said. “But still. Your whole face went all grey and you just keeled over. I don’t think you’ve lost that much blood, though.”

He winced. “Feels like a lot.”

“We shouldn’t stay here for long,” Sam said. She was rummaging around in the mystery knapsack. “In case that fucking thing comes back. I used up all the bullets, so we’re kind of fucked.”

“Saved my ass, though,” Chris said. “Thanks, Sam.”

She looked down at him, smiling softly. “Of course I did, silly. And here,” she added, pulling something out of the bag with an air of triumph. “I thought I saw these in here earlier.” She held them up to his face. It looked like a bundle of greying rags.

“What is that?” he asked warily.

“I think they’re like bandages,” she said. “It’ll at least help staunch the bleeding.”

He frowned. “What if they’re like, all gross?” he said. Sam gave him a withering look.

“Not a lot of room to be picky, Chris,” she reminded him. He sighed.

“Okay, okay.”

With Sam’s help he sat up against the wall of the mine. Everything hurt. Sam unzipped his jacket and pushed it aside. When she tried to lift up his sweater and undershirt, he whimpered and jerked away. That earned him another glare. “Quit moving,” she said. “I need to get a look at this.”

“It hurts,” he whined. She sighed, and moved her hands from his torso to his face, gently cupping his chin in her hands and tilting his head so she could examine the injury on his throat.

“Well, good news is that it missed your jugular,” she said. “This isn’t even that bad, actually.”

“Small miracles,” he muttered. Sam dabbed at the wound with her sleeve. Then she looked back down at his chest.

“You gotta let me look at it,” she said. He gritted his teeth and nodded. Carefully, Sam peeled his layers back, pushing them up until his wounds were exposed. It looked like a mess. Sam hummed for a moment before she pulled the beanie off her head and started wiping the blood away. He hissed in pain. This time, she didn’t scold him. Her free hand stroked his arm gently. “Sorry,” she said. “I know it hurts.”

Once the blood had been wiped away and Sam’s beanie was thoroughly trashed, the wounds became easy to see. Four scratches, about six inches long, stretched from under his pectorals to just above his stomach. They were fairly deep. He breathed in sharply through his nose.

“Eesh,” Sam said unhelpfully. She unwound the bandages and helped Chris lean forward so she could wrap them around him. The bandages were tight and snug, and the pressure did help a bit. At least he couldn’t see the cuts anymore. Sam eased down his shirt and sweater again, wrinkling her nose at all the blood still on them. She zipped up his jacket for him and then wiped her hands on his pants. “There we go,” she said.

“Thanks,” he breathed.

“How do you feel?” she asked. He huffed out a laughed.

“Like I got body-slammed by a wendigo,” he said. She grimaced.

“I can’t believe… it was so fucking scary,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve never seen anything like that before in my life.”

“I don’t really want to see anything like it again, either,” Chris said pointedly. With some difficulty, he got to his feet, one arm wrapped around his torso as he clutched himself in pain. “We gotta get out of here.”

“Can you walk okay?” Sam asked, eyeing him with concern.

“Don’t have much of a choice,” he said. “We have to find a way out of this place if we want to find Josh.”

“There’s got to be multiple ways in and out of the mines,” she said. “Let me just…” She licked the tip of one finger and held it in the air. “I think there might be a breeze coming from this way,” she said, gesturing further down the tunnel. Thankfully, it was not the same way the wendigo had gone. “Wanna try it?”

“Might as well,” Chris sighed. Sam darted back into the main tunnel to grab the shovel she’d left behind. Then she gave Chris the empty shotgun, and the two of them followed the breeze. Each step jostled Chris’s insides and he felt like it was taking every ounce of strength to stop himself toppling over. Sam kept shooting him concerned looks, but he pressed on without a complaint; he knew Sam wouldn’t go on without him even if he insisted, so the best he could do was keep moving for her sake.

There didn’t appear to be an exit anywhere, and Sam made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat. “I’m so turned around,” she said.

“Should we go back?” Chris asked. Sam shook her head.

“We’d be just as lost that way, and besides, the wendigo is back there.” She twisted the shovel’s handle between her palms. “I guess we should just keep moving forward.”

“What if we get stuck down here forever?” Chris said. He felt suddenly claustrophobic as he looked around.

“Don’t say that,” Sam said. Chris tilted his head in apology. They stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Something that felt like wind rustled through the tunnel, making the hair on the back of Chris’s neck stand up. Sam smiled. “There we go. Come on,” she said. They followed the direction the wind was coming from, Sam so eager that she walked faster, getting ahead of Chris. She ended up rounding the corner before he did, which is why all he heard was her startled gasp. He froze, terrified to even ask if she was okay. But then Sam’s voice came again, a wavering word. “Josh?”

Chris threw himself around the corner with more energy than he realized was left in him, nearly knocking Sam to the ground. Josh was standing a few feet in front of them, staring at them both with wide, frightened eyes. Chris knew that look; it was the same one he’d seen when Josh had missed his dose and wandered around in the apartment’s hallway, stepping on broken glass.

Right now, Josh was wearing his coat, but it hung loosely on his frame, not pulled on all the way. One of his shoes was missing. His hair was mussed and he looked lost. He kept staring from Sam to Chris with the look of a cornered animal.

“Josh,” Sam said in a soothing voice. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s me, Sam. You’re okay.”

“Y-you’re real,” Josh said shakily. Sam nodded encouragingly, holding out a hand to him.

“That’s right, I’m real. Come here, okay?” she said. He took a few shuffling steps forward. It took all of Chris’s willpower not to fling himself onto Josh in a crushing hug and never let go. Instead, he said nothing, just watched and tried not to startle him.

“Sam,” Josh said, touching her hand. She squeezed, hard, and he seemed reassured by the pressure. “Sammy, I saw them. M-my sisters.”

“Josh…”

“I know they’re just hallucinations,” he said, voice quavering. “I know it, Sam, I always knew, but I didn’t care. Felt so real.” He blinked rapidly. “Stopped taking my meds. Before the trip. Had to… had to feel everything.” Chris winced, remembering how he’d been the one to say that, trying to give Josh advice in order to come to terms with his loss. This was definitely _not_ what he’d had in mind. “That’s when they started showing up. Hannah and Beth.” Josh went on. He let out a shaky breath. “They were so nice at first, it was so real. I just wanted more. I thought maybe if I came back here, the hallucinations would get stronger. Don’t be mad,” he added with a whimper. Sam’s lips were pressed together, repressing some strong emotion Chris couldn’t identify.

“I’m not mad,” she said softly. “I get it, Josh. I really do.”

“They stopped being nice,” Josh said. He was staring at Sam but no longer really seeing her, his eyes glazed. “Started… saying bad things. Said it was my fault they died. Said I… I wanted them dead.” He shook his head frantically. “I don’t, I don’t, I never wanted it. I’m sorry!”

“Shh,” Sam said somewhat urgently. “Josh, listen to me. It’s going to be okay, but you’ve got to keep quiet, alright? Please.”

“Seeing all sorts of shit, Sammy,” he said. “Horrible things. Fucking monsters.”

Sam glanced at Chris. Then she said, “Josh… I don’t want to scare you, but. Um. There _is_ something out here tonight. A monster, kind of.”

He shook his head again. “No, no, it’s not real. It was Hannah, and then it was a monster, and...” he shivered. “Not real.”

“Hey. You need to listen to me.” Sam gripped his hand even tighter, and he stopped shaking and looked at her. “If you see a monster, whether you think it’s in your head or not, you do not move, okay? Stay as still as possible until Chris or I say it’s okay.”

At Chris’s name, Josh turned to make eye contact with him for the first time. Chris felt a flood of emotions, from relief to anger to the overwhelming need to hold him, to make sure Josh was really there.

“Chris,” Josh whimpered. “...You left.”

“I know, man, I’m so sorry,” he said. He took a step forward, coming out from behind Sam, and Josh sucked in a sharp breath.

“You’re hurt,” he said. Chris shrugged.

“It’s only a flesh wound,” he said in a bad British accent. Josh didn’t laugh, but Chris didn’t blame him. It was a pretty lame joke. “I’ll be okay,” he said seriously.

“This is all my fault,” Josh said. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

“Shh,” Sam said again, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. “Josh, hey. How did you get in here?”

He turned to look behind him. “Found an entrance over there. Didn’t even know this place existed. I got so lost.” He looked down at his feet. “Where’s my shoe?”

Sam’s lips twitched, and she almost smiled. “Oh, buddy. We’ll find it later, okay? Did you bring your medicine with you up here?”

He nodded. “It’s in the lodge. In the basement with my bag.”

“Okay. We need to get you back there, pronto. C’mon.” She held Josh’s hand out to Chris. “Can you walk with him?” she asked. Chris nodded, and he took Josh’s hand in his. The rush of emotions hit him again and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Josh stared at their linked hands, lip quivering.

“Let’s go,” Sam said. She led the way, Josh and Chris trailing a few steps behind. All this walking was taking its toll on Chris; when he pressed a hand to his injuries, fresh blood stained his fingers. He caught Josh’s horrified stare and quickly wiped the blood on his pants, giving his boyfriend a weak smile that he did not return.

At last, they came to the entrance Josh had come through. When they stepped out into the fresh night air, they were somewhere in the woods. Sam shone her phone light in front of them and pointed some distance to the left. “There’s the trail. We can get back to the lodge from there.”

Chris nodded, sticking the shotgun under his arm and pulling out his own phone to check the time. “Shit,” he said. “I’m supposed to meet Mike at the lodge in like 10 minutes. If he gets back and no one’s there, he’s gonna flip. He might come out looking for us and who knows if we’ll be able to find him then.”

Sam bit her lip. “I could make it back there in time if I run, but…” her gaze flickered from Chris to Josh. “I don’t want to leave you two alone.”

“We’ll be fine,” Chris said. She gave him a dubious look. “Really, Sam. This is important. Go get to Mike and tell him to wait at the lodge, we’ll be there as soon as we can.” Neither of them mentioned the possibility that Mike might not be there when they returned.

She sighed. “Fine. But please, please be careful. And remember, if the wendigo shows up again -- don’t move.”

“I know, Sam. Just go.”

With a last lingering frown, Sam took off towards the trail. Chris admired her agility. He turned to Josh, who was also watching Sam’s retreating form. “You good to go?” he said.

Josh nodded. They walked, still hand-in-hand, in silence. Josh limped slightly from only having one shoe, but he hardly seemed to notice. He was twitchy, and occasionally he muttered a soft “I know” or “I’m sorry” to no one in particular. After a few minutes, though, he said at a normal volume, “Chris. I’m sorry I fucked up.”

Chris looked at him sideways. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Josh said. “I’m not just talking about going off my meds. I mean… how I’ve been treating you.”

Chris exhaled slowly. “I get it, man. You weren’t in your right mind.”

“But I… it was so bad, Chris, what I did. At the lodge earlier, I scared you, I could see it.” He was shaking his head again, like he was trying to rid himself of something. “And now I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. Fuck. I’m so stupid.”

“Hey, it’ll be okay. We’ll get you your meds and it’ll be okay.”

“You got hurt because of me,” Josh said. “Again.”

Chris let out a small laugh. “Not the same as last time, bro.”

“You’d be so much better off,” Josh mumbled. “If I’d never even spoken to you that day.”

Chris frowned, stopping in his tracks. Josh stopped too, staring at the ground. “Wait, what? Josh, do you seriously think that, or is this you being delusional?”

He refused to look up. “Thought it before I got delusional. I think it all the time. You do too, sometimes.” His tone wasn’t accusatory, but Chris still felt stung. He tugged on Josh’s hand.

“Josh, we… we can’t talk about this right now. We gotta get back to the lodge.”

He hoped that the wendigo was still crawling around in the mines, looking for more clumsy out-of-shape victims to pounce on, because frankly he’d had enough of the thing to fuel his nightmares for the next fifty years. But of course, life is never that simple. They had just reached a curve in the path that Chris recognized, meaning they were close to the lodge, when the wendigo’s shriek rent the night air.

“Son of a bitch,” Chris whispered, looking around helplessly. There was nowhere to hide. Josh was babbling beside him, terrified.

“It’s not real, it’s not real,” he kept saying. Chris dropped the useless shotgun on the ground and clamped his hand over his boyfriend’s mouth, the other gripping Josh’s waist to hold him tightly against his side.

“Don’t move. Just stay perfectly still,” he hissed. He felt Josh’s hot, panting breaths against his palm, but at least he didn’t try to speak again. From only a few feet away, the wendigo’s milky eyes appeared between the trees. Chris’s fingers pressed hard against Josh’s hip, willing him not to panic, not to react. Clearly, Sam’s warning from earlier had made an impression on Josh’s confuddled mind, because he stayed still. Could the creature see them? What if the strange journal they’d found had been wrong? They had nothing to defend themselves. Chris stared his potential cause of death in the face, but the creature made no sign that it could see them standing right in front of it. It jerked its head from side to side, scanning the darkness, before it crossed to the other side of the path and disappeared into the trees again, snarling.

Chris felt Josh quivering beside him, and he removed his hand from the other boy’s mouth. “Shh,” he said. Josh nodded slowly, staring at Chris with a mixture of terror and bafflement.

They made it the rest of the way, miraculously, without any more encounters with the spider-limbed cannibal from hell. Chris pushed open the lodge’s front door and Mike and Sam rushed to him immediately. He was relieved to see Mike looked unscathed.

“Jesus, dude,” Mike said, taking in Chris’s mangled torso. In the light of the lodge, it looked even worse, dirt and grime mingling with the blood on his coat. Bloody handprints stained his jeans. “You look fucked up.”

“Thanks,” Chris said dryly. He led Josh further into the living room, and then dropped to the couch, breathing hard. “We saw it again. It was right in front of us.”

“Really?” Sam said, a hint of awe in her voice.

“Yeah. It was like, _right_ there, but it didn’t see us. That journal wasn’t lying about the whole not moving thing.” Chris ran a hand over his face tiredly. “So what do we do now?”

“We need to get to the basement to get Josh’s medicine,” Sam said. “Maybe we should stay down there until morning and then head to the cable car.”

“What makes you think this _thing_ won’t be out there in the morning?” Mike said.

“If it’s hunting at night, it’s probably nocturnal,” Sam said. “Anyway, I’ll feel safer if I can see where the fuck I’m going without a flashlight.”

It was agreed that Sam’s plan was the best one; Mike and Chris had already proved to be terrible at making decisions, anyway. The four of them went down to the basement, and Sam located Josh’s duffel bag while Chris eased himself onto the floor, leaning against the wall and clutching his side. Mike watched him anxiously while Sam gave Josh his medicine and then led him to sit beside Chris.

They all ended up sitting on the floor, Sam leaning against Mike with one hand on Josh’s arm. Josh put his head on Chris’s shoulder. Chris felt bone-achingly tired. He let his eyelids droop.

Chris slept.

He awoke to a clattering sound coming from upstairs. Josh whimpered, clutching Chris’s arm. Sam and Mike shared nervous glances.

“I think it’s in the house,” Sam whispered. Chris blinked exhaustion from his eyes.

“What should we do?” he asked. She shook her head almost imperceptibly.

“Just don’t move,” she breathed. They all stayed still, listening to the banging and screeching from above. Josh’s hand found Chris’s and squeezed it like a lifeline. The sounds seemed to last forever. They were getting closer. Something loomed in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs, a spindly, towering silhouette. It chittered angrily, almost like a bird -- if said bird were a fucking demon. Chris couldn’t even breathe. But then the wendigo retreated again, skittering back up the stairs. Chris chanced a glance down at his and Josh’s linked hands. The watch on Josh’s wrist read 6:37. It was morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wouldn't be until dawn if josh didn't get fake bisected am i right


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Josh discuss where to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe we're already at the end of another one of these... i really hope you like this chapter, i've had it written for a couple of days now and i've reread it like 100 times so i think it's good. 
> 
> warning for a sex scene, but it's pretty short and not super graphic. u know me.

They waited until they hadn’t heard any noises upstairs for twenty minutes before they made the trek back up. The lodge was in shambles, things torn apart and one of the windows smashed. None of them had an idea as to why the creature had come into the house in a rage, but they didn’t really care to try and figure it out. Either Sam was correct in her assumption that the wendigo was nocturnal, or maybe they just finally got lucky, but the four of them made it to the cable car station without any trouble. They didn’t bother to go back to get Chris’s bag from upstairs, let alone Mike and Sam’s stuff from the cabin. Josh was still missing a shoe. Nobody really knew _what_ had happened to Josh while he’d been out wandering, not even Josh himself. He couldn’t separate what had been real and what had been his delusions. Chris was still mildly disturbed by Josh’s claim that his sister had become the “monster,” but he and Sam had quietly agreed to put _that_ on hold for the time being. Right now, all of them just wanted off the mountain.

The ride down on the cable car was mostly silent. Mike held Sam against him so tightly that it looked almost painful, like he was afraid she’d get lost again. At some point, Chris thought he heard Sam start crying, but he averted his eyes. Mike murmured reassuringly under his breath. Josh curled against Chris’s side, his hands balled up in Chris’s coat. Despite their physical closeness, Chris still felt so far away from him. He rubbed Josh’s back soothingly and shut his eyes. The sunlight reflected off the snow.

When they got to the bottom of the mountain, they called an ambulance for Chris. He told the paramedics he’d been attacked by wolves while walking through the woods at night. They’d all agreed it was best not to bother trying to explain the truth. No one would believe them, anyway. Even Mike, who had been there, had seen the creature in the doorway, still struggled to believe it when Sam rehashed what had happened in the mines. Josh listened, eyes wide, as Sam described Chris’s attack while Chris was in the emergency room getting stitches.

The doctor told Chris he was lucky; the cuts were deep, but he hadn’t lost too much blood. The bandages had been a lifesaver. He would have some pretty impressive scars, but he would otherwise be fine.

“We’ll have to get someone up on the mountain to check on the wolf problem,” she added. “If they’re attacking humans, they might be sick.”

“No!” Chris said too quickly. The doctor stared at him. “Um, it was my fault. I uh, provoked it, I think. No need to send people up there.”

“Hmm,” the doctor said, but she didn’t push it, likely chalking his reaction up to stress. She gave Chris antibiotics, a clean shirt, and some waterproof bandages in case he wanted to shower in the next 48 hours. Then he was free to go.

“What should we do now?” Mike asked when they stood outside the ER. All four of them had train tickets home, but the train didn't leave until the next day. Josh scuffed his socked foot against the sidewalk.

“I can get us a couple hotel rooms,” he said softly. It was the most he’d spoken in a while. Chris squeezed his hand. They hadn’t let go of each other unless absolutely necessary. They all took a cab to the nearest hotel and Josh paid for two rooms, right across from each other. The man at the front desk gave Chris’s filthy jacket a disgruntled look, but said nothing. They went upstairs and stood in the hall.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay with you guys?” Sam asked. Chris shook his head.

“Nah, we’re okay. You need rest.” He gestured to Sam and Mike’s hotel room. “Go ahead.”

“Okay,” Sam said, brow furrowing. “I’m gonna come check on you later though. If you need anything, we’re right here.”

“We’ll be fine, Sam,” Chris insisted. She and Mike went to their room. Chris unlocked his and Josh’s room and the two of them shuffled inside. It was a nice hotel, and the suite was actually two rooms, with a door leading from the front area to the bedroom and bathroom. Josh made a beeline for the bedroom and Chris followed, still holding his hand. Josh stopped in front of the bed and dropped Chris’s hand, flopping face-first onto the mattress and then scooting up to curl in a ball at the head of the bed.

Chris watched him, worrying his lip between his teeth. Josh had been awfully quiet this whole time. They all had, really, but this seemed like more than just shock. Chris thought about what Josh had said to him on the mountain. _You’d be so much better off. You think it too, sometimes._ He slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He undressed and put on the waterproof bandages, stepping into the shower stall and sighing as the hot water hit his skin. He did his best to keep his injuries from getting too wet, mostly reveling in the hot droplets against his face. When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went back into the bedroom. He didn’t bother putting his broken glasses back on. Josh was in the same position as before, snoring softly. Chris’s chest ached, but not from his wounds. _How poetic,_ he thought dully.

They’d only brought back Josh’s duffel bag, the one he’d hidden his medicine in. Chris rummaged in it until he pulled out some of Josh’s pajamas -- a pair of old basketball shorts and a too-big T-shirt. He changed into them and then went into the living room area, shutting the bedroom door behind him with a soft click. He sat on the couch. It was a bit shabby considering the caliber of the hotel; in fact, it kind of reminded Chris of his couch back in his apartment. He ran his hand along the cushions and his mind wandered to memories made on his own couch: him and Josh sitting there playing video games, Josh crowing in victory whenever he beat Chris, or pouting like a total baby whenever he lost. Backing Josh up against the arm of the couch as they made out for the first time after that stupid period where they went weeks without speaking. Chris and Josh, sweaty and spent after sex, saying “I love you” for the first time in their own roundabout way.

Chris felt a tear trickle down his cheek and he wiped it away furiously. He didn’t realize he’d started crying. But once he did, it was like the floodgates had opened, and suddenly he was sobbing into his hands. He didn’t even know why. Maybe it was the exhaustion, everything from the night finally hitting him. It felt like he was mourning something he’d lost, but he wasn’t even sure if he’d lost it yet. Eventually, he was able to collect himself again. His stitches hurt from the way his chest had heaved from crying. He laid down on the couch and fell into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

When he woke up again, Josh was sitting on the floor across from the couch, watching him. Chris scrubbed at his eyes and sat up.

“Hey,” he said. “Man, I didn’t mean to conk out like that. You, uh, you sleep okay?”

Josh shrugged. “I guess. You didn’t have to sleep out here,” he added. His gaze was probing. Chris was sure his tears had left his face all blotchy. He was ashamed that Josh could tell he’d cried.

“Just wanted to give you some space,” Chris said. Josh nodded. He hugged his knees to his chest.

“Chris?” he said quietly. “Um, are we… are we breaking up?” His voice wobbled. Chris’s eyes grew wide. He leaned forward.

“Why would we break up?” he asked. “Do you want to break up?”

“No,” Josh said quickly. “I just thought… after everything that happened, _you_ might want to.”

“I don’t,” Chris said. Josh sniffled.

“You must be a fucking masochist or something,” he said. “I’m not good enough for you. Look at what happened to you. I’m not _good_ for you.”

Chris felt a stirring of anger in his chest. “Stop. You don’t get to decide that. What about what _I_ think is good for me, huh? You don’t get to decide for me if I want you in my life, Josh. Last time we hit a bump in the road, you just cut me off, you never even gave me a say in it. We’re not doing that again. Not this time.”

“I think me going crazy and you almost getting your guts ripped out is a bit more than a bump in the road,” Josh said. Chris glared at him. “Okay, okay. I’m just… I’m giving you an out. If you want it.” Josh stared at his knees.

Sam’s voice rang in Chris’s ears. _He wouldn’t blame you._ He pictured, selfishly, what it would be like to date someone else. Someone who didn’t fall into moody spells and refused to talk about their feelings. Someone who didn’t thrash with horrible nightmares every other night. Someone who just trusted Chris without him having to prove his worthiness over and over. Someone who couldn’t go off their medication and do or say scary, hurtful things.

But then Chris thought about dating someone who wasn’t _Josh_. Someone who didn’t smile a crooked grin at him when they were watching some stupid action movie together. Someone who didn’t look at him like he hung the moon when they thought he wasn’t looking. Someone who didn’t find his endless babbling about computers and apps not only tolerable, but endearing. Someone who didn’t respond to his shave-and-a-haircut knock on the wall. Someone who wasn’t his smartass piece-of-shit neighbor who had to buy apology cakes too often and made Chris laugh more than anyone else.

He shook his head. “I don’t want an out,” he said. “God, not even a little bit.”

Josh sniffed again. “You really are nuts,” he said. Chris slid off the couch and crawled over to sit next to him, gently taking his hand. Josh examined their fingers. “For real, Chris. You’re bonkers. Nuttier than me.”

Chris laughed softly. “Oh well,” he said.

“I can’t promise that something like this won’t happen again,” Josh said. “I mean, we sure as shit are not going back to the lodge, so maybe we can avoid fucking… _monsters_ or whatever the fuck was up there… but I mean the breakdown I had. That could happen again. It probably will. It has before.”

“Okay,” Chris said simply. Josh stared at him, tears welling in his eyes.

“How can you just say _okay_?” he demanded. “Don’t you get it? Things are never going to be easy.”

“I don’t want easy,” Chris said. “I want you.” As soon as he said it, he knew it was true, the truest thing he’d ever said to Josh. Any doubts he’d had, fleeting fantasies of dating someone simpler, like that night with Ashley, they were gone.

Josh scoffed, even as the tears spilled onto his cheeks. “You’re a fucking sap. Been watching too many garbage rom-coms.” He leaned against Chris’s side, and Chris pressed a kiss to Josh’s hair. “I don’t deserve you,” Josh whispered.

“ _Stop_ that,” Chris said. “I’m really not that great, Josh. I’m flattered that you think so, but I’m not.”

“Bullshit.”

“Seriously,” Chris said. “I fuck up, too. I make stupid decisions and I never know when to be serious and I don’t know the right things to say or do half the time when you need my help. I mean, I got so scared about losing you that I went snooping around in your medicine like some kind of jackass.” He smiled wryly. “And I’ve got shit taste in movies. Which I know is a _serious_ travesty in your books.”

Josh let out a watery chuckle. “You fucking dick. I love you so much.” He lifted his head and kissed Chris. It was a needy, almost desperate kiss, like Josh was worried Chris would disappear as soon as their lips parted.

“I’ve got you,” Chris murmured against his mouth. “It’s okay.” Josh was crying harder now, and he gripped the front of Chris’s shirt. “Tell me what you need,” Chris said.

“Touch me,” Josh said thickly. “Please, I just… I need to feel you.”

“Okay,” Chris said. “I can do that.” They moved to the couch, Chris lowering Josh onto his back and then climbing on top of him. He kissed the tears still pooling in Josh’s eyes, and then pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

“More,” Josh said, reaching up to thread his fingers through Chris’s hair. “Please.”

“Okay,” Chris said again. “Gotta go slow, though.” He nipped at Josh’s throat, trailing kisses down to his collarbone, and his hand drifted to Josh’s waist as he grinded his hips slowly down. The side effects of the meds hadn’t quite kicked in again yet, so it wasn’t long before Josh was hard and Chris reached into his pants, stroking him. Josh gasped underneath him, and Chris eased into a rhythm, murmuring, “I’m right here,” and “I love you.” He was careful not to exert himself too much, fearing that he’d fuck up his stitches or something. When he felt Josh start to shudder, he knew he was close, so he kissed his boyfriend’s jaw and felt Josh come apart beneath him.

When they were done, Chris felt wetness on his cheeks and realized he must’ve started crying again. He felt like a loser for having cried during sex, but Josh had been, too, so he wasn’t as embarrassed -- or maybe they were just both a bit pathetic. Oh well. Josh tucked himself back into his pants and they both sat up, Chris smiling slightly when Josh nudged his arm until he lifted it so the other boy could curl into his side.

“Thanks,” Josh mumbled. “Sorry, I just… I’ve felt so far away from you this whole week.”

“Me too,” Chris replied. “I missed you.”

Josh tilted his head up and looked at the bandaged spot on Chris’s neck where the wendigo’s claws had scraped him. “Sam told us about what happened to you in the mines. With that… that thing.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “Pretty fucked up, huh?”

“She said you almost died,” he said. He shifted, cheek against Chris’s sternum. “You could’ve died, and it was my fault.”

“Josh, seriously, stop. I’m okay. I’m fine.” He cleared his throat. “I had a weird dream when I was out down there,” Chris said. “You were in it. I thought I was dead, that we were both dead. Then you told me not to give up so easy because I had shit to live for.” Josh hummed. “When I asked if you thought _you_ had things to live for, dream-you didn’t give me an answer. _You_ know you do, right?”

Josh didn’t say anything. Chris’s fingertips dragged softly up and down Josh’s back when he spoke next.

“Well, you do. You’ve got your parents, and they love you a lot, I can tell. And you’ve got Sam, who is like, the ultimate mama bear friend. She’d do anything for you. And Ashley, and Em and Jess. You’re their number one purchaser of apology cakes, so they kinda depend on you.” Josh chuckled at that. Chris smiled. “And Matt and Mike, they care about you. Even if Mike is a tool.” He paused. “And you’ve got me. After all the shit we’ve been through already, I’m in for the long haul, baby.”

Josh snorted. “Don’t call me baby.”

“Honeypie?” Chris tried again. Josh lifted his head and fixed Chris with a look.

“Dude. I will fight you.”

“Okay, okay. Asshole,” Chris said, still grinning. Josh smiled.

“That’s better,” he said. Then his gaze softened and he had to look away, grabbing Chris’s hand and playing with his fingers. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I feel like… like I owe you so much. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna repay you for all the shit you’ve gone through because of me. Things I’ve done to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Chris said. “Unless I’m trying to convince you to watch a terrible movie that you hate, in which case you totally owe me.”

Josh attempted to hide his smile. “Cut it out, I’m being serious.”

“Sorry.” Chris cupped Josh’s face so he’d look at him again. “Really though. This isn’t some kind of scale you have to balance out. It’s just us. Just me. And I’m telling you, you don’t owe me shit.” He hesitated. “Although, I mean, okay. What happened back in the lodge? When I told you to stop touching me, and you didn’t?” Josh stiffened, and Chris went on. “That cannot happen again. I know you weren’t… in your right mind, so I forgive you, but. Yeah. You can’t do that.”

“I know,” Josh said immediately. “I swear, I won’t. I’m so, so sorry, Chris, believe me. I will never, ever do something like that again.” His voice became panicked, and Chris stroked his thumb along Josh’s jaw.

“I believe you. I do. I just had to say it.” He sighed. “And maybe… if you could try to just… talk to me more? Maybe? Let me in a bit, you know.”

“I am trying, Chris,” Josh said sadly. “You gotta understand, I am. It’s just kind of scary, you know? Letting you in. Letting anybody in. But especially you.”

“Why especially me?” Chris said.

“Because,” Josh said, and his breath caught in his throat. He turned his head away from Chris’s touch. “Sometimes I think if you knew some of the things that go on in my head, you’d run for the hills.”

“I’ve seen some shit in my short life,” Chris reminded him. “I don’t scare easy.”

“I promised Sam I’d talk to my therapist about my hallucinations when we get back,” Josh said. “And about how I went off my medication. Maybe get on something different. I think maybe they misdiagnosed me. Either way, I’m going to try harder, I swear.”

“That’s good,” Chris said encouragingly. “But try to do it for you, you know? Not for me.”

Josh let out a hollow laugh. “I’m much more motivated by the thought of disappointing you than I am of disappointing myself. I disappoint myself on the regular, so.” He shrugged.

Chris sighed. He wanted to keep pushing this, but he realized he’d only be making things worse. This was his bit to work on; if Josh needed to learn to open up, Chris needed to learn when to stop pushing. Josh would get there in his own time, and Chris just had to believe that, instead of trying to shove him in a direction he wasn’t ready for under the guise of it being “for his own good.” He’d seen exactly how badly _that_ road could end.

“You don’t disappoint me,” he said simply. “But whatever you gotta do.” He kissed Josh’s temple. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. We’re both okay.”

“We’re okay,” Josh repeated slowly. He rubbed his face tiredly. “Hey, do you wanna… do you wanna come sleep with me?”

Chris smiled. “I’d love that.”

They got in bed together and snuggled up comfortably for the first time in nearly a week. Chris even got to be the little spoon, because he didn’t want his stitches getting crushed.

“This is so nice,” Chris said. “I should be little spoon more often.”

“Hey, don’t get too comfortable, I’m the designated little spoon,” Josh grumped. “You can’t steal this from me, Christopher.”

Chris just chuckled. “Go to sleep, you big baby.”

Josh fell asleep first, and Chris listened to his quiet snores, feeling Josh’s chest rise and fall against his back. Josh was right; it was never going to be easy. But that was okay, he decided, because they were okay. They were trying, and isn’t that what everyone was doing, really? Everyone had their demons to face. Chris and Josh’s demons just happened to have extra sharp teeth.

When they woke up from their nap they watched Netflix in bed. Josh was scrolling through titles, trying to find something good, when Chris stopped him.

“We gotta watch that,” he said. Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Why the hell do you want to watch Scooby Doo?”

“Hey, Scooby Doo is very near and dear to my heart,” Chris said.

Josh rolled his eyes. “You’re a fucking nerd.”

“But you love me,” Chris reminded him. Josh selected the first episode of Scooby Doo and nodded.

“But I love you,” he agreed.

And that, Chris thought, was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks!! thank you all SO MUCH for reading this and leaving all your comments, it really truly made my day every time i got a new comment from one of you. i hope you'll continue to stick around and read my shit, and if you want to talk to me please feel free to drop me a line on [tumblr](http://zach-stone.tumblr.com/)! (i also have an UD-only blog if that's more your style [here](http://joshuawashinton.tumblr.com/)) 
> 
> also, quick music rec for you: i heard [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auCPYk60rjk&ab_channel=Laurescence) the other day and felt it was very chris/josh, so give it a listen.


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